


Back to the light

by valesweetdreams



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: 1968 is 2008, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, F/F, Fem!Smile, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Genderbending, Maylor - Freeform, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pregnancy, Slow Burn, fem!queen, king!au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:04:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 26,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27480130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valesweetdreams/pseuds/valesweetdreams
Summary: Brianna sat in her chair on her balcony and started thinking about her life. She looked up at the sky and wondered how it would be if she had dedicated it to astrophysics and not to a rock band. She would probably be happy, she loved researching and she would definitely teach too, she then would meet a fellow professor and get married with him, have a couple of kids and it would make her parents proud of her.Instead, she fell in love with her bandmate, Regina Taylor.
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury, John Deacon/Veronica Tetzlaff, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 45
Kudos: 33





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BambiRex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BambiRex/gifts).



> To you, BambiRex, for inspiring me, thank you so much <3

Brianna sat in her chair on her balcony and started thinking about her life. She looked up at the sky and wondered how it would be if she had dedicated it to astrophysics and not to a rock band. She would probably be happy, she loved researching and she would definitely teach too, she then would meet a fellow professor and get married with him, have a couple of kids and it would make her parents proud of her.

But instead she chose to follow her other dream. She was a nerd, but she was a nerd that loved music, loved to play her guitar and write her own songs. Making music then became a part of her, alongside her studies, and together with her best friend Tamara they tried to search for this dream. She knew it was difficult to have a rock band only with girls, but they were positive that they would make it. They just needed to find a drummer. A female drummer.

And man, they did find a female drummer. They found the fucking best drummer in London. In England. In Britain. In Europe. In the world. Regina not only was the prettiest girl Brianna ever met, but she also played like nobody did before. And Brianna quickly fell in love with her.

It was not easy. She had no idea if she was bisexual, lesbian or whatever. After she just met Regina she didn’t have eyes for other people, other beautiful people that used to flirt with her, although she was too shy to flirt back. And when they rocked she felt on top of the world, despite being in a shit pub full of students. She loved it either way and she now could do it with Regina.

Regina. She had every man and woman on her feet. They all used to go crazy once she introduced the drummer. It was good publicity for their band, as the blonde woman had a strong personality that made people fall in love with them. And made Brianna fall in love with her. They fight, they used to fight a lot, but they became friends nonetheless.

When Tamara left and Brianna had her heart broken, how could her friend do it to her? They had a dream together and she thought they would be together until the end. But they didn't. And it ended up with just her and Regina and she thought it would be the end of Smile and the end of her dream. She was still studying for her PhD so she wouldn’t lose that much.

But the reality was different because Regina didn’t give up on them, and together with her friend, Freddie, the girl she shared a flat with, they revived their dream. And she thought that she should be forever grateful for Regina for not letting her go. Then they found Joan and King was born.

But instead of having immediate success as Freddie was saying they would, they had plenty of difficulties. Starting with the fact that many record companies didn’t believe in a band only with women, and when they were finally getting started Brianna got sick. Firstly she was bad because of her illness and then she was sad because she couldn’t be productive and help the band. She was sure that they would replace her, there was no way the other girls were going to be held back by a simple guitarist, there are a bunch of them out there, it would be easy to find a replacement. But they stayed by her side and, after a lot of arguments, they started the album without her, just waiting for her to put her parts on the songs to finish it.

This episode made them stronger, their friendship survived and they were finally ready to rock the world. And they did. They sell albums and thousands of people went to the concerts to watch them and sing with them. They were very happy with their success and it wasn’t only the money that came in, they felt that they could change the world. And they changed their own world as they were perfectly happy with their partners. Freddie with her girlfriend Jane, Joan with her wife Veronica…

Brianna? Well, you might remember her crush on Regina. And Brianna got her girl. Don’t ask her how she managed to do it, even after years she still can’t believe that this goddess is her wife. Yes, they got married. And yes, it was Regina the one who proposed, because Brianna was too scared that one day the drummer would realize that she is boring and would look for something better. It never happened and finally Brianna became the happiest woman on Earth. No, in the galaxy. No, in the Universe.

At first she was scared of having a relationship within the band, but it ended up that their fights remained the same and nothing changed. Just that instead of them both getting in different cars and going to different houses after they called it a day, Regina drives them both to their home. Touring is also much better as instead of four rooms they get only three.

Brianna was woken up of her day dreaming by the steps of someone coming in the balcony to join her. She looked up and saw the blonde hair and the pair of blue eyes that she wakes up to everyday, the perfect person that is beside her now and was with her through the most difficult period of her life, the beautiful woman that gave her everything she ever wanted and more.

“Hey, caught up in your head again?” The sweet voice of her wife, the voice when she sings turns completely different to a raspy and rock’n’roll voice, the voice that she would listen to all day long.

“I was just thinking about my life and how grateful I am to have you in it,” she sees her smile and being sappy sometimes has a positive effect.

“I already put the little monsters to bed and they are already sleeping, I thought I could make the most of my wife while I can,” Regina says and sits on Brianna’s lap.

“Are they behaving today?” Brianna asks while she puts her hands on the big baby bump. 

“They always kick, they have the drums on their blood,” and although she’s probably with her back and feet hurting, Regina still makes jokes and laughs about it, after all it is their kids they are talking about.

And yeah, now Brianna is sure that she got her happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Next chapter the story will kick off with Smile!Era
> 
> See ya there <3


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brianna meets Regina

“But I don’t feel like it”

Brianna was trying to convince Tamara that no, she doesn’t want to go to the stupid party a friend of their’s are throwing right now in her house. Tamara stopped by Brianna’s small flat to try and drag him to have some fun, but the other girl wasn’t buying it.

“Come on, Bri, you need to have some fuuunnn,” she whines, she’s been trying to take Brianna’s out for so long. She’s been struggling with finishing her degree and getting into the PhD program, so she needs to have some fun. “The drummer will be there, you can meet her”

“I will meet her tomorrow…” Tamara gave her a murder look. “I need to sleep, that’s all,” and it’s true, she does need to sleep and they have an important appointment tomorrow with the promising new drummer, she’s been talking to Tamara and they settled up that tomorrow would be her audition day.

“Promise you won’t study?” Tamara asked, now with the look of a very worried friend.

“Yes, I promise,” and finally her friend left her alone. She was tired and a party is really not what she needed.

The next day Brianna woke up early, not needing the alarm anymore and feeling like a 50 years old woman instead of a 21 years old young woman. She had an old soul, she realized, but she really doesn’t care. She is down sometimes, but she needs to be the adult friend, otherwise Tamara would be dead now.

She made her coffee and opened her notebook to see if she can write something. She’s really trying hard to be one of the best students in the PhD program and it won’t happen out of nowhere. She knows it will be difficult to study and be in a band at the same time, she already did it in high school and it wasn’t easy at all. She saw that she was still missing a couple of articles and decided to search for it online. She still has an old computer, but it is what she’s able to afford when she can’t spend the whole day at the University.

Brianna cursed himself when she realized she was already late. It was already 1PM and she really spent her whole morning only doing the research. They had booked an auditorium in her college and she needs to be the first to get there because she has the key. What a great first impression she will make to their (hopefully) new drummer.

Thankfully she lives ten minutes walking near the building, so she put her stuff back on her bag, picked an apple because she remembered she didn’t get lunch, grabbed the guitar’s case and ran to not be that late. And girl, she ran. But it was worthless. The hall was empty and no sign of the other girls. She opened the room and waited there, thinking if maybe they already went there but left after seeing that she was late. She tried calling Tamara and texting her, but got no answer.

So she decided to practice a little. She had a riff in her mind for ages now and hoped that it would be good. She grabbed her guitar and realized how she missed her Red Special, they’ve been apart for about a week. Well, they will change it now.

She got lost in her own mind and music - she tends to do those things - when she realized that someone was watching her. She stopped playing and looked to the door, that was opened, she didn’t even hear it open. There was a blonde girl, with a leather jacket, jeans and high heels wearing sunglasses and a big smile.

“Oh no, please, don’t stop,” she says and Brianna is sure she never heard such a deep voice before in her life. So he’s not only a drummer, but she has a hell of a voice? She can’t wait to hear her singing.

“For how long have you been there?” She asks, putting her guitar down and moving to welcome the drummer.

“Enough to see that you really rock with that guitar…” She says with a smirk. “By the way, I never saw a guitar like this, is it a new one?”

“No, I built her with my father,” and Brianna finds it impressive how their first conversation seems so natural, like they already know each other for years.

“Wow, so you don’t only seem smart, you really are”

“Well, I’m an astrophysics student, so…” They laugh, usually Brianna is not that confident about a compliment and she usually doesn’t respond to someone else’s teasing.

“So… Tamara is not here… we’ll start just the two of us?” Regina asked, already going to the drum kit.

“Yeah, she didn’t answer my calls or messages, so I guess it’s just us two”

Brianna returned to her spot to pick her guitar again, Regina was quiet for some time, but soon the brunette heard a sound, it’s not from playing, definitely. She turned to watch the other girl do a thing with the drums she never saw any drummer do before, and she knew some drummers in her life. “What are you doing?” She asks.

“Tuning the drums” The blond answers, still focusing on doing her stuff.

“You tune the drums?” She asks honestly and Regina laughs, she doesn’t answer, so Brianna thinks it’s probably a thing she was supposed to know all the time. Well, in her defense she never played the drums, she only knows how to tune the guitar.

“Are you ready, Bri?” Regina smiles from the drum kit and Brianna can’t help but smile back and nods.

Regina counts and then the magic happens. She knows they are missing the third member, but the drummer really studied the song and already mastered it. They were smiling all the way through. Brianna even sang a part of the song, a thing she never did before when someone else is watching.

They played for what seemed hours, but at the same time they felt like they could’ve played much more. When Regina stepped down the drum kit she still wore a smile, Brianna looked at her and remembered that she played with high heels… How did she manage that?

“Well?” Regina asked.

“You are in, definitely in,” Brianna said, in a hurry that one of her professors taught her to not have because it seems like you are desperate to answer a question, you need to show them that you are not worried and are composed.

“Really? But what about Tamara?” Regina asks, but smirking, of course.

“You are too good to let you go like this,” now those things are already flowing naturally that Brianna doesn’t even realize what she’s saying.

“In that case… I’m already hungry, do you want to get a coffee?” 

Without thinking twice Brianna nodded. It will be good to get to know each other, giving the fact that they are going to be bandmates. She hopes that their first rehearsal will be with the complete band.

“The coffee shop in the back is the best here, let’s go, I’ll take you there,” she takes her guitar and leads the blond there, it’s very close to the auditorium and only a few students are there in this hour of the afternoon.

“What do you want?” Regina asked when they got there. “Today is on me”

“Just an espresso and a piece of banana pie”

“Got it,” she blinked and Brianna smiles. They are gonna be great friends, she hopes. When Regina went to get their coffees she checked her phone. 

_ Sorry for today, I had to help my mum and couldn’t contact you all day. Hope you let Reg in xx _

She smiled, so Tamara already knew the drummer was that good, she cursed her friend when she realized she did it on purpose just to let her get to know the blonde better, as she interacts better with people when she’s alone with them.

Regina returned with their coffee and food and that smile that never left her face. And Brianna is sure that they will do great together. Finally.


	3. Chapter 2

Their first rehearsal together was great, they thought. Tamara offered the three of them to share the vocals, but Brianna gave the official backing vocals and everything to Regina, because is not sure if she’s that good of a singer to do more than sing the chorus. Yes, she sang to Regina when she had her audition, but it was different, in front of many people and with the thought that one day they will record an album and be big, she can’t bet on her own voice.

“It will be a differential if the three of us sing, really sing, we are already different, it will only add,” Tamara said. It’s only the first day, but they are already discussing.

“You and Regina have a more rock’n’roll voice, I can do only backing vocals and chorus, I don’t care, really, it will be even better if we do that way,” Brianna responded. Until now the blonde was quiet, she was still not feeling entirely comfortable, yes, she’s been friends with Tamara because she’s one of Freddie’s friends from Uni, and she and Brianna had a connection, but she still needs time to interact properly.

“I like to sing too, I agree with Tamara, so I think you should sing too, Bri, you have a great voice,” she decided to say, she doesn’t like another woman putting herself down like this.

“Ok, fine, let’s go to work then,” Brianna ended the conversation and picked her guitar. They have a lot of work to do.

  
  


That day Brianna was really happy. They have a very late rehearsal today and she really needs the sleep, but this is news that she wants to share with her bandmates and nothing better to her than celebrate doing what she loves the most: playing her guitar.

“Wow, someone is happy today,” Regina notes once she entered the room. She was a little late, but nothing that will delay their work. 

“Well, I have some good news,” she says, bumping the blonde’s shoulder.

“I do too,” Tamara appears with her bass, tuning them at the same time as she speaks.

“I don’t, so you two can share yours,” Regina points, curious to know what the other girls have to say. They have been a band for three months now, and she can say they are already getting better together.

“Actually mine is not just mine,” Tamara says, and the two other girls look at her with curiosity. But she stops for some second for dramatic purpose. “I got us a gig!”

They were really looking for a proper performance, to see how far or beyond they are, but they weren’t expecting so soon. “It’s here in the pub down the street, nothing too big, but Freddie talked to the owner and said he should give up a try… guess what? He agreed!”

“That’s amazing, wow, it’s the greatest new we could have!” Regina says, but soon after she remembers something. “So that’s why Freddie has been so mysterious around me lately, that fucker”

Freddie is her roommate and best friend, she’s also a singer, and she loves watching them play, she says it’s fabulous to have an all female rock band. She also studied design with Tamara, so she’s familiar with everything. Regina makes a mental note to thank her later.

Meanwhile, Brianna was already forgetting her own news, it’s not that good for all of them, but to her it’s still great. “I can’t beat  _ this _ news, but my project just got accepted, so I can finally start the research!”

Tamara hugs her, not comfortable with two guitars in the middle of them. “You’ve been wanting it for so long, that’s great, congratulations Bri,”

But Regina’s face fell, she wasn’t understanding what was happening and why they were so happy with this news. “You are not leaving the band, are you?”

Brianna looked at her and smiled, she felt something in her stomach, something she can’t explain, on knowing that Regina is worried that she will leave them. It’s probably just because they are getting started, and they have a good future ahead of them. “Of course not, I can do both things, it’s not much different from what I’m doing now, in fact, just a couple of orientation in plus,”

The drummer looks relieved. “And I’m here thinking that trying to finish my biology degree is already hard...”

“For you it is,” Tamara teased.

“Shut up, will you, I just think making music is much better… anyway, what’s your research about?” Regina asks Brianna, as they get ready to start playing, after all they have a lot of work to do now that they know they have a gig ahead of them.

And the guitarist is surprised that she didn’t tell them what about her research is, oh, it’s probably because she didn’t want to annoy them with it. But she’s even more surprised that the drummer cares enough to ask her. “Oh, it’s about the zodiacal dust cloud”

They finished their night very late, they discussed the setlist and went home tired, but happy.

  
  


Regina was in her high heels again. She looked stunning, Brianna thought, really ready to take the spot. Freddie made their makeup, and it highlighted the drummer’s eyes even more, alongside the leather pants, jacket, and a white top; Tamara went for a very light makeup and the hippie dress she always wears; Brianna was reluctant with the makeup, she hates them and thinks her face was not made for being painted, but Freddie insisted (she even put red lipstick on her!) for the clothes she chose her very comfortable jeans and a purple shirt.

There were a certain number of people in the pub, but surprising, Brianna wasn’t feeling nervous at all, she was feeling free. The moment they stepped on the small stage and began playing, she felt like she belonged there. Unlike when they were rehearsing, she moved a lot on the stage and interacted with Regina. There she felt that connection again, this time stronger. Regina was drumming flawlessly as ever, as she and Tamara made the rhythm so the people could enjoy it. They mixed some of the classics with their own music, and Brianna really felt like singing.

It wasn’t a perfect performance, as it was their first, and the people there were all drunk, except for Freddie and a guy Brianna doesn’t know, but for now they don’t care, they just hope that they will have more and more opportunities.

When they finished playing and stepped down, they shared a hug, before putting away the instruments. When they were ready, Freddie was already waiting for them.

“You did great, girls, one can say that you’ve been playing together for years, not four months,”

“You are exaggerating, Freddie, but thank you, it means a lot coming from you,” Brianna answers on behalf of all of them.

The three of them went to the bar to get their free drinks, the bartender said to them that it is the tradition when a band plays there. Tamara already disappeared with her beer, probably saw someone, and Regina was talking to Freddie. Brianna was feeling out of place there, she hoped she was still playing, because she hates places like this, too many people sharing the same space, all drunk and touching each other.

“What the hell is he doing here?”

“I invited him”

“You know he’s a idiot, Reg”

“It’s nothing, he’s just a fling, don’t worry”

Brianna was approaching the two other girls when she heard them talking. They were talking about the weird man who was watching them before. She doesn’t want to know who is seeing them, it doesn’t matter as long as they respect them, but knowing that that man was with Reg and she invited her, and Freddie doesn’t like him, made something weird inside of her, angry, sadness? She doesn’t know what it is nor if it should happen with her.

Well, anyway it is a good excuse go leave and get herself ready for another day.


	4. Chapter 3

Brianna can already say that she and Regina are good friends, actually the three of them are. That’s why she accepts when she texted her asking if she’s free Friday night, because they will have a ‘girls night’ before their gig on Saturday.

She is living like a zombie, she thinks she had only five hours of sleep the past four days, and wasn’t really feeling like playing this weekend in particular. They are already a fixed band to play in the pub every Saturday, and alongside the beginning of her research being a pain in the ass, as she reads ten books only to write half a page, the both things are killing her.

But this is what she chose to do, so she needs to use her Friday afternoon and night, when she’s free, to rest. If it was any other time or other person, she would refuse the invitation, she would say the truth, that she needs to rest, or she would say that she’ll have dinner with her parents. But it was Regina, and she learned that she can’t say no to her.

She walks to the flat Regina and Freddie share, she’s never been there, although the blonde already invited her to go there to write songs and everything, but she always prefered to it in that same coffee shop they went when they met, she doesn’t know why, but she feels safer with other people around. She found the building easily and went to the second floor, she knocked at the door and Regina quickly opened it, wearing a big smile when she saw it was her.

“Oh, I thought it was the pizza man,” she heard Tamara say.

“No no, it’s just Regina’s girl,” Freddie said back, both of the women laughing, with another couple Brianna never saw. Regina threw a death glance at them, and Brianna chose to ignore.

“Make yourself at home, we are only drinking, talking and waiting for the pizza,” the brunette smiles, nodding. “Don’t worry, I made sure we ordered some without meat,” with that Brianna sobered up, although she’s not drunk, but only tispy for being a place she never went before.

“Thank you,” she didn’t question why Regina remembered she is vegetarian, she just commented it once after a gig. The blonde then gave her a bottle of beer and went back sitting on the couch with the other girls

When the pizza man arrived, they stopped drinking and attacked the pizza. Meanwhile Brianna learns that the other girls are Phoebe and Jenny, two of Freddie’s friends, and Mary, who arrived late, is the almost Freddie girlfriend.

“Oh, we should play truth or dare!” Freddie suggested, the other girls were already drunk, while Brianna was still holding the first beer they gave to her when she got there. The last thing she needs is to sleep the whole day tomorrow and wake up with a hangover. If her bandmates want to perform the other day like this, it’s their problem, she needs to be fit, thank you very much. And that’s why she was terrified of playing truth or dare while sober, she’s awful at answering things and even worse when someone dares her. But the other girls agree and she finds herself in the middle of giggles and shots, and some shameless questions.

“Truth or dare?” It was Tamara’s turn to spin the bottle, and it pointed to Brianna. She was lucky that until now she was out, but it had to be her oldest friend to do it…

“Truth,” it’s always difficult to choose, and she doesn’t want to do something stupid, as to yell in the window, as Regina had to do, or eat chips with chocolate, like Freddie.

“Hmm… is it true that you kissed a girl in high school?” It’s a thing that was a gossip when they were at the catolic high school, no one found out who the two girls were and they never talked about it, but Tamara always had suspected that Brianna was one of the girls. Great.

“Yes, it is,” she answered, simply. It doesn’t seem like the other girls were paying too much attention, because no one commented. Good, she thinks, maybe.

They went like this for a dozen of rounds, mostly with dare to have two or three shots at the same time. Brianna was almost sleeping when she heard her name. But it was not with someone calling her.

“I dare you to kiss Brianna,” she looked up and saw Regina’s surprised eyes and Tamara’s grin. If they weren’t too drunk she sure would kill the bassist.

“I-I don’t kiss girls,” Regina said, her voice affected by the amount of alcohol they drank. Brianna tried not to take it personally, after all Regina is the perfect girl and she’s only a nerd, but she doesn’t like the drummer like this, so no need to be offended.

But she was surprised when she felt hot breath and alcohol near her face. She looked and saw the two blue eyes she never saw this close, and felt a pressure on her lips. As soon as it came, it went. And she didn’t even realize the moment she left and was met by the cold wind of October, trying to welcome another winter. And she wished she had drunk more that night, not only that only beer.

  
  


“Hey Bri,” Brianna was the first one to arrive, usually the three of them went to the pub together in Regina’s van, but the brunette wanted to hide as much as she could. She has no idea how to process everything that happened last night, not even if her bandmates remembered what happened. She was the receiving end of both of them and the only one sober.

“Hey,” she greeted Regina, who was carrying a part of her drum kit, with Tamara helping her with the rest of it. 

“Are you feeling better?” Oh, yeah, she also lied to them saying she wasn’t feeling well, so she couldn’t go with them.

“Yeah, it was only a headache…” she says, without making eye contact.

“Girl, I woke up like two hours ago with the worst hangover ever, really wish I didn’t embarrass myself because I can’t remember shit,” Regina was telling while setting her drum kit. 

Brianna can finally breathe,  _ so she doesn’t remember it, good, now I can keep pretending nothing happened _ . The other good point is that also Tamara didn’t remember anything, it was probably the tequila.

They performed that night only with songs the people asked them to play the previous weekend and Brianna thinks it was their best gig. More people were paying attention to them, including that guy she saw with Regina the first night, and then all the other nights they played there. She doesn’t think too much about it, tries to enjoy her guitar and nothing else will matter.


	5. Chapter 4

_ November 2008 _

Usually their rehearsal has only the three of them, sometimes Freddie is there too, to just watch them or to give some tips, it’s their girls time, to rock, do what they like, and talk. A lot. Brianna never talked that much with friends and colleagues before, when she was still in the graduation she used to just sit by herself and her only friend was Tamara, now in the University she basically only talks to her professor and in the classes she’s the same as before. So she finds herself being totally different from the Brianna she knows because she talks a lot with the girls, she even laughs!

Being used to only girls, that’s why they think it weird when a boy, looking a little older than them, tall, short hair, wearing jeans and a black coat, entered the auditorium they were rehearsing. The four girls looked at him, and it was Tamara the first one to smile. Brianna instantly realized what was happening: finally her friend made her move to the guy she’s been crushing on and here the guy is!

Tamara reaches him and they share a quick kiss, which didn’t stop Regina and Freddie from screaming ‘yeahhhh’ and other obscene things that Brianna stopped listening to because she was getting embarrassed from everything.

“So, this is my boyfriend Dave,” she introduces him, the other girls are about to say something but Brianna looks at them like she’s going to kill them if they open their mouths.

“Nice to meet you, girls, Tamara talks a lot about you,” he has a nice voice, and the guitarist remembers that he’s also a vocalist in a band. Very appropriate.

“So, Dave, what do you do for a living? What are your intentions with our girl?” Freddie asks, being overprotective as always. Regina rolls her eyes and Brianna has no idea what the two of them are thinking, it always seems like they have a sintony that no one has.

“I’m a musician, a producer and vocalist, I've actually graduated in music,” he looks down at his girlfriend. It's kind of funny, Brianna thinks, because she and Tamara have always been the tallest, but this guy is even taller, he’s almost 6 ft 6. “And my intentions are the best, I love her,”

Everyone goes ‘awwnn’, and Brianna doesn’t add anything else. She’s proud of her friend, and she’s very happy for her. She deserves love and this Dave guy seems the perfect for her. But she doesn’t need to say anything, she smiles and Tamara understands that he’s approved.

“So I guess you won’t stay longer with us tonight?” Regina asks. They had just finished their songs for today and usually they hang out a little afterwards.

“No, but have fun without me,” she winks.

“It was a pleasure to meet you girls, see you Saturday,” Dave says.

“Bye,” the three of them said at the same time.

When they were alone in the room, Brianna returned her attention to her guitar. She doesn’t know why, she really likes both of the girls, but she feels intimidated when she’s with them. It feels like she’s left out a little, mostly because she’s not as ongoing as Regina and Freddie are, they have intern jokes, they do everything together. It’s not like she’s jealous of their relationship, afterall the two girls know each other longer than they know Brianna, but she can’t enter their bubble the same way she does when Tamara is with them.

“So, Bri, talking about boyfriends, do you have someone in sight?” Freddie asks her.

She blushes, she never talks about those things, but she guesses that if she wants to have a proper conversation she has to answer instead of being there in a corner thinking why she can’t interact properly with the others.

“No, only my thesis in sight,” she smiles, telling the truth. “And you Freddie?”

“Oh, I…” but she can’t continue because Regina interupts her. 

“She’s with Mary but she doesn’t want to admit it… I swear I already heard them doing  _ things _ together…” The drummer does a disgusting face and Brianna can’t help but laugh. 

Freddie seems like she’s about to die with her friend’s revelation, and in the same time she’s fighting with her for exposing her like this, Brianna thinks about the name, she had a thing with a Mary a couple of years ago, but they couldn’t have anything serious because Brianna was so focus on graduating that she couldn’t give herself to a relationship. She decides not to say anything, to not cause any problems.

“And you, Reg?” She asks without thinking, does she really want to know it? She doesn’t know why she’s thinking like this…

“No, no one, I’m for the world…” she says, smirking, but the guitarist remembers very well that guy from the gigs and the conversation she had with Freddie some months ago.

“What about that guy that goes to all of our gigs?” 

But she immediately regrets asking this question because many feelings pass through Regina’s face and she’s not sure if she was allowed to pry in her life like this.

“He’s a dick,” Freddie says instead.

“It’s nothing, ok? Yes, he’s a dick, but I’m only using him. I’m not proud of it, but he likes rock and I’m in a rock band and I like the sex, and he has what I want. He thinks he is winning, but he’s not, ok? And I can do whatever I want with my life”

Freddie is rolling her eyes but Brianna is taken back by the defensive tone in Regina’s voice. She only made an innocent question because this has been in her mind for a while and now Regina is angry. Great.  _ You should shut up, Brianna. _

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to know, no intention to offend you,” she says, picking her guitar case and turning to leave. She doesn’t say goodbye, not even stay a little to hear what Freddie said, because she could hear her voice.

She was almost leaving the building when she felt someone grabbing her shoulder. She is tired, she has class tomorrow morning, more rehearsal afterwards, a project to finish writing and she just fought with her bandmate, she doesn’t need it right now. 

But to her surprise it was Regina there. The drummer wearing her fur coat that Brianna loves on her. 

“Hey, Bri, I’m sorry for snapping, it was not my intention…” she says not looking at her. Brianna wants to say it’s ok and she’s not mad, and it’s the truth, but she’s tired. She’s tired even mentally.

“I’m tired now, Reg, we’ll talk tomorrow,” and again she leaves without looking behind, she just can’t.


	6. Chapter 5

_ December 2008 _

The mood was awful and she was feeling awful. Regina never thought that her first Christmas in a band with new friends would be like this: she staring at Freddie, sitting on their poor couch in their poor flat.

And Freddie is going to leave for a party with Mary. And she will be alone. Great, just great. She could be at a party herself, plenty of people invited her, many people wanted to be with her… but she doesn’t want to be with them. She wants to eat and warm herself in her favourite blanket while she moans about how awful her life is right now.

Yeah, and it’s all because Brianna is acting cold towards her. 

And why should she care? She has other friends and it’s been only months since they met, she should not feel like this, but it’s probably because all her dreams and life expectations lean on Brianna now too. Regina hates what she’s studying, she hates dentistry and now she hates biology, she doesn't want to go to Uni at all and only does it because she needs a backup in case something goes wrong in the future. But she wants to be a rock star. She wants to make music and travel around the world. That is her dream. And she can’t do it alone, she’s just a drummer, she needs at least two other people. And here enters Brianna. And Tamara too, of course. 

But Brianna, she can feel that she shares the same dreams, although she says she’s focusing on her PhD, if she’s so interested in her academic studies why is she in a band? Why did she  _ form _ the band? And despite not admitting it, Regina knows that she wants to make it work.

So that’s why she needs to get along well with her, and they did, in the beginning she was feeling like they could even become best friends, but now, now she’s ignoring her as much as she can, and only talks to her when they are talking about music.

“C’mon goldilocks, stop daydreaming about Bri,” Freddie says, she was staring at her for a good ten minutes and Regina didn’t even realize.

“I’m not daydreaming about anything,”

“Well, you surely are thinking about her straightened her,”

“Stop it, Freddie, I’m not, I’m only thinking about what I’ll drink later,” Freddie rolls her eyes.

“I’m going already, and you should make your dream come true, Bri is alone two, you should go to her flat and make each other company,” Freddie suggests, but she huffs.

“I’m the last person she wants to see,” she says in a small voice.

“If she can make the always confident Regina Taylor think like this she can also make you feel better…” Regina is probably looking miserable, because Freddie comes closer and kisses her forehead. “But do what you feel comfortable, if something happens call me,”

She mutters an ‘ok’ and watches Freddie leaving.

Is Brianna really alone? Will she want her company? She thinks about texting her, but she’s not sure if she’ll reply. She could do what Freddie suggested and go to her flat, knock at her door, she won’t leave her there, especially knowing that she hates the cold, will she?

Regina is thinking so hard that she didn’t even realize she’s going to her room and changing her clothes, picking her heaviest coat, a scarf, gloves and a hat. And her boots, of course. She picked the keys of her van and only realized what she’s doing when she was inside of the van, closing the door and ready to go.

She never did it for a friend. But she guesses there's a first time for everything.

She drives, trying not to think too much. It’s Christmas, after all, it is supposed to be a happy day. She takes a deep breath when she parks in front of Brianna’s building, this is all or nothing.

She goes up the stairs, looking at the poor building. Ok, hers and Freddie’s are not that good either, but she can’t stop but thinking that Brianna deserves better. Well, someday they will have enough money to buy their own house....

The moment of knocking at the door came, and she was nervous, she’s not supposed to feel like this, it’s not like her life will change. She knocks twice, not wanting to bother that much, and having the opportunity to leave if Brianna takes long to open it.

But it didn’t, and only about thirty seconds later she hears the keys turning. 

“Hey Bri,” she says before the other girl can say anything.

“Reg?” That’s it, and she opens the doors further and turns to go inside the flat, leaving Regina space to go inside. She does it and closes the door. When she reaches the small living room she sees a scene almost like the one she was living herself minutes ago, Brianna had at least two blankets and was laying on the couch. But instead of looking bored, she looked sad.

And then, suddenly, Regina wasn’t feeling awful anymore, because Brianna clearly needs someone with her.

“Are you ok?” She asks, just to make sure.

“I’m fine,” and of course she was right, because of course Brianna is not fine.

“If I did something to you, I want you to know that I’m sorry” she says while sitting on the only spot on the couch she can find, near Brianna’s legs. “And you can share with me if something is wrong, you are more than a band mate, Bri, you are my friend,”

She has no idea why she said those things, but they are all true.

“It’s ok, Reg, we are good, you don’t need to worry about me”

“Too bad, because I do…”

They stay some minutes in silence, Regina desperately wanting to say something. 

“I just…” Brianna starts talking, and Regina turns a little to look better at her. She looks so down. “I don’t like this time of the year… I hate everything that comes with the end of the year and the perspective of a New Year… It’s stupid, Reg, really, I bet you have funnier things to do tonight”

And it took the blonde by surprise, she never imagined that Brianna could have this end of the year blues.

“I actually don’t, and I like spending time with you”

“I’m boring”

“You are not, you are funnier than my own empty flat,” Regina says, and Brianna laughs. It was not a joke, but she laughs. And it makes her heart warm up a little, she laughed because of her.

“I don’t even have a tree or food to offer you,” the brunette says, leaving the blankets and turning the heater on, Regina didn’t realize it was cold inside too.

“But I bet you have the ingredients for a hot chocolate,” she teases.

“Yeah, that I can arrange”

And in the end their Christmas wasn’t traditional, but a good one nonetheless. In the end.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: anxiety attack and pining, like really a lot of pining

_ February 2009 _

“Ok, I’ve got some exciting news!!!” 

Regina was tired and she honestly wanted to kill someone. It was still February, but she really wanted those vacations now, all the exams and essays she has to study for and do, it’s really not fair to put that pressure on students. She’s only 19, for God’s sake, she’s supposed to enjoy her life and not being stuck in a library, or in Brianna’s flat - because there’s the only place she can find silence - to do these stupid things she’s supposed to do because it’s her future’s guarantee.

And now Tamara is super happy and excited and talking loud and jumping and everything. Thankfully she’s not with her drumsticks on her hand right now, or she would’ve thrown them at her. Is this how Bri usually feels? Because if it is she wants to give the other girl a trophy for not murdering her.

“You always say that,” Brianna points, on the other side of the room, doing god-knows what.

“Ok, but this time you two need to get ready,” Tamara keeps not telling what the hell the exciting news is.

“We are ready for everything coming from you,” Regina mutters and hopes neither of the girls heard, the last thing she needs is to start a fight right now because of her bad mood, but at the same time she can’t help herself.

“I have this friend who works with a producer, she said that she told him about us and he wants us to record some songs, he said he will release it!!”

“WHAT?” Regina and Brianna say at the same time. 

“Yes, exactly! We need at least eight songs, but I think it won’t be a problem, we can start next week!”

And with that news Regina couldn’t be in a bad mood anymore! Are they getting it? Will they finally start their way into the music industry? It’s her dream come true, even if this first album doesn’t sell or if only a few people listen to their music, at least they will already have something, and it already means the world for her. And looking at Brianna she knows it means the same for her.

“Wow, so I guess we should start working, then,” she says, excited!

“Hmm…” Brianna starts, but stops there, the two girls look at her. Oh, here it comes.

“What?”

“No, nothing, I just need to know what will be our studio time, calm down,” Brianna said, and Regina was a little relieved, she must confess.

“It’s after eight, it’s the time they have for college bands like us, it’s late, but it’s also good for us, we also have to study”, Tamara explains and Brianna nods.

“Unfortunately...” Regina says and they laugh.

  
  


The first day in the studio they only had a meeting with the producer. Days before they were discussing the songs they will present and if they have new ones. Again they had to almost yell at Brianna to get her to sing and show her new songs. They know she’s the main writer, that the most potential hits were written by her, and still she’s not sure about her skills. And then she didn’t want to sing. They ended up having the same discussion they did before their first gig, and in the end it was a ‘I love when you sing’, by Regina, that made Brianna accept the share vocals, but she will never confess the true cause of making her give up of her thought of ‘my voice is not good enough to be recorded’.

Then they started recording. The first song they decided to record was April Lady, and god, they never knew that trying to do it in the first try would be so difficult. When Brianna was recording the guitar parts, she made some mistakes in the end, and had to start all over again. With Tamara it was the same, one note always was off and it seemed like they would never get it right. And Regina kept making mistakes on the tempo, which was worse, because she was the first one to record and it took two days, what she usually would do in minutes.

But Regina blames the nervousness of doing something professionally for the first time. They were also tired because of the classes and they were getting a little sleep because of it.

To Regina and Tamara the mistakes were ok, they recorded and it was fine. The people working with them were patient, they knew that they are a new band, and that’s exactly what they work with. But Brianna was not feeling ok. 

On top of not getting the right riff, she was also worried about her degree in astronomy. She had her thesis accepted, but also she needed to conclude the course so she can properly start it, and not work only with the project. Everything is a mess, and on the day they were supposed to record the vocals she didn’t show up. And it was not because she didn’t want to go, but she slept on top of her notes.

She only woke up with Regina knocking at her door, and the desperation she had before ended up with an anxiety attack, right before she opened the door. Thankfully the door was unlocked and the blonde could get in when she heard a cry.

“Bri?” And she threw herself in Regina’s arms, crying even more. Brianna let go every emotion she was feeling, and the smell of roses of Regina’s perfume made everything clearer again.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for being a failure for you,” she ended up saying, the blonde was hugging her back, it was a little uncomfortable because she’s smaller than Brianna, but nonetheless it was the only thing that made her feel better.

“Hey, you are not a failure, you are the best, Bri,” Regina tries to say to her.

“I ke-keep letting you down, and I-I ca-can’t get any-anything right and, and I just…” 

“Bri, hey, look at me,” Regina makes her look down at her. “It’s ok, we all got it wrong in the first try, then we got it right, you did too. And about today, no one is mad at you, everyone, actually, got home early because everyone was tired,”

Brianna still looks unsure, but the way Regina talks, and rubs her back, makes her come down even more from the attack. “It’s ok, you should rest,”

The brunette nods, looking at Regina’s blue eyes. She can’t believe how beautiful she is… but it’s not the time to think about it.

“I can stay if you want,” Regina offers.

“The couch is uncomfortable,” she says, finally with a better voice.

“I can manage, I already slept in worse places, really, my bed is not that comfortable either,” and for the first time Brianna opens a smile. And she thanks whatever for putting Regina in her life.

Tomorrow, she hopes, will be a better day, but today she has her friend with her.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time Regina seeks for comfort and Brianna is there to help.
> 
> TW: pregnancy scare

_ April 2009 _

Brianna was getting used to their new routine. They are still doing their weekend gigs and recording three times a week. She’s impressed by how many things you have to do after finishing a song and as they are a new band, it will take them a while to get everything together and release it. She’s enjoying the ‘background’ stuff, most of the times when she’s not recording she’s asking about producing stuff and trying to get used to it. It’s her first time in a studio, after all.

In the band, the mood also improved and they can talk a lot more about what they think is wrong, right, what needs to change and what they won’t use at all. She thinks that they have material for at least two albuns, but it all depends on how this first one will go.

Her relationship with Regina also improved a lot since that day she comforted her, they are much closer and she instantly feels better once she’s with the blonde. They are also having more studying time together, as Regina says to her she needs to learn the topics better and doing it at her flat, with Brianna also studying, makes it easier. She never complained, not even when the drummer can be a little noisy, it’s only her way. 

That’s why she wasn’t surprised when Regina knocked at her door on Wednesday, the only day Brianna doesn’t have to go to the University during the morning and they are not supposed to study together that day. She’s surprised, though, to find her crying on her doorstep. It’s not a usual sight, Regina never cries, at least not in front of her. When she’s upset she’s usually angry and wants to kick everyone and throw things on the walls. But she never cries.

The moment she opens the door, Regina throws herself on her arms. And Brianna is thankful for being tall, because she managed to put both of them inside the house and close the door. Brianna thinks those moments are the most difficult to handle. When she was in a bad moment and Regina calmed her down? It seemed so easy. Now she has no idea what to do.

She moves them to the couch, Regina still didn’t say a word, Brianna also didn’t ask. But each time that passes Regina is holding thigher on her, and she begins to get even more worried. What could have happened to put such a bright girl in this situation?

“Hey, Reg, do you want some tea?” She asks, maybe a tea will help? She has not sure.

Regina shakes her head and presses herself even more in Brianna’s shoulder and hair, now she can do this, as they are both sitting.

“Ok, ok, I won’t leave, I’m here,” this seems to get things a little better, so she guesses that she should just say comfort words to the other woman.

They stay like this for a while, until Regina finally moves, she stopped crying, and Brianna thinks that this is maybe a good thing, that she already put out everything she needed.

“I’m fucked, Bri,” and despite crying previously, now Regina’s voice is incredibly calm. Well, what will Brianna say now? She doesn’t have to, though, because the blonde takes a deep breath and continues. “I don’t know how it happened, or, or even if it’s real, but… I’m so scared even to think about…”

Brianna is getting even more worried. “What happened, Reg?”

“I-I think… I’m not sure but…” Regina is struggling with the words, so Brianna takes both of her hands in hers and gives a squeeze to let her know she’s there. “I think I may be pregnant…”

Oh, and Brianna needs to stay calm too. It’s a big thing and Regina came to her, so she’s supposed to help. Ok. “It’s ok,” she knows it’s not, but… “We’ll find out together, ok?”

Regina nods and Brianna has an idea. “Stay here, I’ll only grab my phone,” Regina nods again, this time looking at nowhere.

Brianna can’t think how desperate this must be, and Regina is right to freak out. She thought about going out to buy a pregnancy test, but she knows - and Regina knows it better - those tests are not reliable, so she remembers about a friend who works at the University clinic, and she can probably help.

“Here, I’ll call the London Medical College and see if they have free time for an appointment, ok?” She explains to Regina, and the blonde nods.

After only one ring the person on the other side answered.

“Hi, Chrissie, it’s Bri,”

_ “Hi, Bri, how are you?” _

“I’m good, I was wondering if you have an obstetrician free today?”

_ “Let me see… yes, to four pm… it’s for you?” _

“No, it’s for a friend,” Regina gives her a sad smile when she says it. Brianna holds her hand tighter. She had no idea she was holding it, in the first place.

“ _ So I need the full name and date of birth” _

“Regina Taylor, 26 July 1989”

_ “Ok, so the appointment is at four pm” _

“Thank you Chrissie, I own you one”

Regina looks better now, she doesn’t seem like she’s going to cry anymore and Brianna takes it as a good sign. In those times Brianna wished she had a car, and apparently Regina walked to her flat, because her van is not parked there. So they had to go to the clinic by subway.

“I’m not even 20 yet, Bri… and I’m a whore,” Regina says while they are in the waiting room. There are only a few people there, and thankfully none of them are pregnant women, or Brianna thinks it would drive Reg’s mad. 

“You are not… that… Reg, you are a free woman, and you are one of the best people I know,” Brianna says from the heart. She doesn’t have to pretend, she really likes Regina, she’s a special woman.

Regina couldn’t answer because the doctor called her. It’s a bit messy, Brianna wasn’t sure if Regina wanted her to go inside with her, she didn’t ask before, so they had a little misunderstanding there. Once inside the doctor’s office, Brianna wasn’t quite listening. 

She heard the doctor asking some questions, and Brianna is not sure if she wants to know that much of details about Regina’s sex life. She pays attention, though, to the “nausea and missed period”. She also accompanied the drummer to do the ultrasound. This time she didn’t even have to ask, she could see that Regina was really nervous. Now was the time to find out the truth.

She winces with the cold gel and holds Brianna’s hand. It seems like a common gesture since it all began. The doctor keeps searching for something, but nothing appears on the screen. 

“You are not pregnant, Miss Taylor, but you do have some blood scales, it’s unusual that you didn’t have your period, but it’s perfectly treatable,” the doctor explains.

“Oh, thank God,” Regina laughs, already feeling much better. Brianna is feeling better too, they didn’t have the opportunity to discuss what they would do if she was indeed pregnant. 

Regina said that she doesn’t want to have kids, not now, not ever, and Brianna respects her decision. It’s not easy to dream about a rock star life and at the same time dream about having a family and kids, for women it’s so difficult to have both. But if she was pregnant and decided to keep, Brianna would be by her side, no matter what. Just like she’s right now. Even if she insisted on paying for their ice cream, Regina refused. Thankfully the end of their day was happy, so they could return to their normal life.


	9. Chapter 8

_ June 2009 _

Brianna really hated those parties and she always gave an excuse to not go and this time she had the perfect excuse: she had to study for the final exams. She knows she's not in the regular college, she’s studying to get her specialization, but still, it doesn’t mean that the exams are easier.

But this time she couldn’t use it, because the party was organized by their own producer. So she put an stupid dress and definitely not high heels, she’s already tall, she won’t look like a giraffe. 

That’s how she finds herself in a party she didn’t want to go, searching for her friends. It was in a night club and she is not used to it, it’s too big and full of people, you can barely breathe and move and buying a drink takes ages. 

She wasn’t exactly searching Regina, this is the perfect place to her: a lot of important and beautiful people. She would never give attention to her boring bandmate. But Brianna, of course, wanted to know if she’s ok. The same goes to Tamara. She’s probably with her boyfriend, which means that they will dance together the whole night, giving that this is a party made for both of them.

And Brianna? She plans on finding a good place to sit down and try to enjoy her drink there, without bothering or being bothered. She bought her drink, vodka with something she’s not caring about knowing, or else she would never put it inside, and found a table with two seats, hoping that no man will think they have the freedom to sit there with her.

She’s there for a good half hour until she finally spots Regina. And god, doesn’t she look perfect? Her blond hair is curlier than normal, she has light makeup, but with red lipstick, that Brianna thinks it’s perfect for her skin; she wears a tight dress that goes a little above her knees, not that short but also not long. And those high heels, the high heels that make her look like a goddess. Not that Brianna will admit she’s thinking like this.

She watches Regina go to the bartender to order her drink, and not that surprising, she quickly gets it. What did surprise her was that the blonde didn’t look for a company, she went straight to the table Brianna was sitting. She sat on the seat beside her.

“Hi Bri, didn’t know you are already here,” and it took awhile for her to process everything, Regina’s there, with her, talking to her in a party. She finally found her voice.

“Yeah, couldn’t escape this one,” she shrugs.

“I’m happy to escape the studying, I’ve been dying over books the past week, I hate the final exams,” Regina huffs, remembering what she was doing before.

“Think like this: after these exams you will be free for two months,” Brianna says. They have to talk even louder because of the music playing, even if they are sitting close to each other.

“Thank god, and this time I have a good excuse not to go to Cornwall…” 

“Oh, your hometown?” They never talked about it in specific, Regina told her she’s not a big city girl, but never mentioned her city, maybe she was not comfortable with it?

“Yeah, my mum wants me to spend the vacations with her and Clare, but I really don’t want to stay there doing nothing, this time I can use you as an excuse,” Regina smirks and Brianna is sure she’s blushing.

“Why would I be an excuse?” She manages to say and takes a sip of her drink, remembering to buy another one once she finishes this one.

“Well, we’ll still have gigs during this period, right? And even if we don’t, I’ll tell her we have to record the songs, so...

“Oh, yeah, right…” She had no idea what to expect, but it makes sense. It wouldn’t be good to have Regina away during a period they are free to use as they wish, also giving the fact that neither she or Tamara have to travel to see their families because they are both from London.

“Do you want another drink?” Regina asks after a comfortable silence between them, only listening to the loud music playing on the dancefloor.

“Yes, I was going to get anoth…” she couldn’t finish because Regina was taking her glass and already getting up.

“I’ll buy you this round, don’t worry,” and she was already moving to the bar. Brianna was once again not impressed that the bartender soon prepared the drinks she ordered, she thought about asking, but decided she’s better without knowing why the guy makes her drinks so fast.

But before Regina could return to their table, a random guy intercepted her in the middle of the way and started talking to her.  _ This is it _ , Brianna thought, she was impressed that the drummer spent that long with her, talking about vacations, hometowns and gigs. She was already giving up and looking around only not to see them when she realized Regina was almost running towards the table, or better, towards her.

She was confused when the blonde put the drinks on the table, gave her a desperate look and kissed her. It all happened in a matter of seconds and she had no idea why. It was a quick kiss, like one you give in a partner… Oh, right. Then she understood.

The man was standing in front of them, he was not that taller than Regina, which means he was definitely smaller than Brianna. He was looking at them with an expression she couldn’t read. Did Regina just dump this guy and used her to escape because he wouldn’t leave her alone? Well, she was glad she was there to help, then…

“Are you ok, babe?” She played along, if this is what Regina wants.

“I am, only this gentleman here wanted to  _ dance _ with me, I told him that I was only buying a drink for my  _ girlfriend _ , and can you believe that he didn’t believe me?” Regina said in a different voice, sweeter but higher, very girly, if she was to describe it.

“Don’t care about him, honey…” she takes her hand. At this moment the guy punches the table, making some of the drink spill.

And Brianna saw red, no one can threat her  _ or _ Regina. She stands up and uses her height to intimidate him. And it worked.

“Didn’t you see that she’s not interested? Now can you  _ please _ leave us alone?”

The man immediately left, without saying another word. Brianna breaths again. She never did it before, not pretending to be someone’s girlfriend or using her height to send someone away.

“I’m sorry, Bri…” Regina is not looking at her and it’s not something that happens with her.

“It’s ok, Reg, he won’t come back,” she reassures her.

“And thank you, I had no idea what to do and then I thought… Thank you for faking it for me,”

“You know I’m here to help,” and then she adds, because this she thinks she has the right to know. “But why did you do this?”

“I just want to stay here with you…” she shrugs, and Brianna thinks it has to do with what happened two months ago.

“Ok…” 

Both of them took their drinks and returned to talking. 


	10. Chapter 9

_ July 2009 _

Regina’s plans of not getting a train to her hometown were proving to be a little difficult to fulfill. 

She was writing down a song she’ll never show to her bandmates, laying on the couch while Freddie is doing god knows what in the kitchen, when her phone rings. It's her mum. She never calls, they only text and this is it, Regina hates talking on the phone.

“Hi mum,” she tries not to make an annoying voice, it could be something bad, you never know why someone decides to actually call you.

“ _ Hello Reg, I have some good news!” _ It’s very her mum to start talking at a high speed once you give her a chance. She can be too much sometimes and Regina is sure she got it from her, sometimes she can’t stop talking too, gets excited very easily and then throws it at the person who’s nearby. “ _ I got you a gig - is that right? - for you here! Everyone is so excited to see you playing, the tickets are already sold out!” _

What? “ _ What? Mum, what did you do?” _

But Winifred didn’t care about the ask, because she kept going. “ _ Oh, and then I can finally meet Brianna, I can’t wait to meet her” _

“She’s not my only bandmate”

“ _ I know, but she’s the one you need to introduce to me” _ and Regina can see she winking. 

“She’s not my girlfriend, mum…” and she has no idea where she took it from. She looks at Freddie and wants to kill her friend, it was probably her, she likes to talk to her mother like she’s her own.

“ _ It’s ok, Reg, I won’t pry or embarrassed you, I just want to meet her, I promise” _

“Ok mum, but she’s just a friend… When will the gig be? I need to tell the girls and see if they are free,” she sees Freddie muttering ‘of course they will be’ and she rolls her eyes.

“ _ Sunday, dear, you can all stay here, there’s plenty of space, Freddie can come too” _

“No, Freddie won’t go,” now Freddie gasps and say a loud ‘fuck you’. Regina, of course, laughs. 

“ _ See you girls, bye” _

“Bye mum”

Regina sights. Well, at least she can say it is as good news, they’ve been wanting to play in different places if they have the chance, and now they will have a big one. She won’t be alone at home, she won’t even stay at home the whole time, and they will only be there for two days, maximum.

Freddie sits on the couch with her. “That’s an amazing opportunity”

“Yeah…” she’s looking at the spot where a television should be, but they had to sell it to have more money to buy drinks, trying to remember something she’s surely missing, she didn’t even hear what her friend said. And then. “Oh, Sunday will be Brianna’s birthday!”

“A perfect opportunity, she can spend it with her future mother in law,” Freddie teases, but there’s truth in what she’s saying, because she has eyes and can see. Regina on the other hand, has eyes, can see straight and refuses to wear glasses… and it is metaphoric and literally speaking.

“And what were you talking about with my mother? You are putting ideas into her mind and I need to fix it,” she says, a little mad, but not too much.

“Oh darling, I only tell her the truth, I tell her about what we do together, about the band, about  _ my  _ love life, about what you do with, don’t worry, I don’t expose too much, only the essential parts to let her know you are alive, and she just took the conclusion, that is the same as I reached, if I’m going to be honest…” 

“You know very well Brianna is my friend,” Regina is in the defensive, she’s always like this.

“No, Reg, I’m your friend, Tamara is your friend, Bri is something else… Do you remember when you were desperate and couldn’t stop crying? I was coming home the exact moment you decided you needed to see someone, you saw me and ran to Brianna’s house. You know why? Because you didn’t need a friend, you needed  _ her _ ”

Regina was in silence for some time. “You know I hate you,”

“It’s a thing you would definitely not say to Bri…” And Regina finishes throwing a pillow at her.

  
  


They had to find another place to rehearse while they are on vacation, so Tamara’s grandmother's garage was the place they found themselves in. She’s not an old woman, she still goes out and is very active, so that evening they were there and she was hanging out with some friends, so the house was free. 

They ordered a pizza that at other times they have no money to pay for, as Regina was holding the information, just to tease them. 

“Will you tell us?” Tamara asked with her mouth full, they are not very delicate at all.

“So… My mum got a gig for us in Truro, it’s this Sunday and she said it’s already sold out so… it may be our biggest gig till now. And plus we can all celebrate Bri’s birthday!”

“Really? And they want to see us play?” Tamara said, not quite believing it.

“Well, actually they want to see me, some people there are very obsessed that I left town to study and now I’m in a band… but sure, they want to see you girls too,” she smirks.

“You are such a bitch,” the two of them laughed and when they finally calmed down Regina looked at Brianna, who was quiet the whole time. Maybe she already had plans for her birthday?

“Are you ok, Bri?”

“Yeah, wow, that’s great, Reg, we should thank your mum, it’s a big opportunity, we only did small gigs until now,” Brianna is being very professional, and honestly? Regina doesn’t judge, it’s serious business. “So we’ll play only our originals or we’ll do some cover?”

“I guess we should mix them? Start with known songs and then sing some of ours,” Tamara says.

“And then sing happy birthday to Bri,” Regina adds.

“Oh no, no one needs to know that,” Brianna makes a face and Regina thinks it’s funny, she can be very shy sometimes. So she will play her guitar and sing but don’t want them to sing happy birthday?

“Bullshit, you love your birthday,” Tamara is not buying it.

“Yeah, but only between us!”

“Well, you lost the power when you said you would do only backing vocals,” Tamara tells her.

And watching her two bandmates exchange the teases, Regina realizes it. What if Freddie is right? 


	11. Chapter 10

_ July 2009 _

It was a wild ride. They had to drive there because of the instruments and the six hours drive was not an easy one when you had four women together (of course Freddie was there too), and it was even worse when Regina was driving. Brianna was sharing the wheels with her, as it is difficult to only one be the designated driver, and she was the only one not picking on her because of the high speed.

She thinks it’s probably because she’s seeing everything, and from the back of the van of course it seems worse. Meanwhile Regina is thinking about the same thing, Tamara and Freddie are laughing and screaming because of her way to drive and saying that she wants to kill them all. Of course she knows they are joking, but Brianna is just looking at them, then at her, and smiling, like she’s the mum. And she can’t help but think that maybe the reason why Brianna doesn’t do it is because what Freddie said? They are friends, sure, but they don’t do to each other the same thing as they do to the others. 

When Brianna was driving, the other girls were relieved, and Regina pretended to be offended. The drummer kept looking at her, trying to understand what is happening, and why she feels happy about not driving when she yells at everyone that she’ll drive and no one can argue?

“We are in the city, now I have no idea where your house is, Reg...” Brianna said, but Regina was too distracted to realize, thankfully she wasn’t staring at her.

“Reg?”

“Hm?”

“Your house? Do you want to drive us there?”

“Oh, yeah, right… No, it’s just, you can go ahead and in the church you turn left, it’s the only yellow house in the street,” she explains. Her brain is already tired and she needs to handle her mum, she can’t wait to fall on her bed and sleep. She wants to do something special for Brianna tomorrow as it’s her birthday and she needs all her focus on it.

Freddie puts a hand on her forehead. “WHAT?” Regina yells.

“Just checking to see if you don’t have a fever, you never rejects an offer to drive,”

“I’m just tired, that’s all…”

  
  


“Oh, you must be Brianna!” When they arrive, because the van doesn’t make any loud noise at all, Winifred was already at the door waiting for them, and the first person she greeted was Brianna, to Freddie’s amusement, Regina’s annoyance and Tamara was just impressed by everything, because she is not stupid, she  _ knows  _ something is going on.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mis-” Brianna says, but Winifred interupts her in the middle.

“No, just call me Winifred, you are all like daughters to me,” and she winks at Regina, who in turn rolls her eyes, she knows very well what her mum is doing. “Now, Reg, you can show Brianna the house while I get to know Tamara too,”

Regina gets in the house and apologises to Brianna, she can hear her mother say to Tamara “you are tall too, poor Regina”, and Freddie, who is the same height as her, has the guts to laugh.

“My mum is like this, she can be so annoying sometimes…”

“It’s alright, she seems fun,” Brianna says in a not so excited tone, as if she’s thinking about something, of course Regina catches it. The house is not that big for her to show and she has no idea where her mum will put the other girls to sleep, as they have only one spare room.

“Is everything ok?” She asks the other girl.

“Yeah, everything is fine, it’s just… your mum is so nice, she supports you and everything, and mine, well, I guess you know why I don’t go home for my birthday,” she shrugs, and Regina can tell that she doesn’t want to make it a big deal. She won’t be at home for her birthday either, but it’s her choice, apparently Brianna wasn’t, and that’s why despite her parents living in London, she never met them.

“I’m sorry, Bri…” she doesn’t know what to say, and right now she really wanted to hug her. She looks at the door and her mum is laughing with Freddie and Tamara, still outside.

“It’s ok, Reg, they really don’t want me to be in a band, and I made my choice. I am sorry for putting the mood down, we are here to have a good time,” she gives her a sad smile and now she has to physically stop herself from hugging her, she sits on the couch instead, and points to Brianna do the same.

“But didn’t your father build that guitar with you? Why don’t they support you?”

“It was only to be a hobby before going to study, and they want me to focus on my career, they say that being in this business is not for women,”

“Well, they are wrong, and you are studying, god, I can’t even pass an exam and you are studying for your PhD, it is a big deal, you are so smart, Bri,”

At this moment the other women enter the house and Winifred shows them in which room they will sleep. Much to Regina’s luck, she put Brianna with her, saying that the bed in the spare room has room only for two adults.

  
  


Regina has no idea how she fell asleep with Brianna by her side. All the thoughts were back in her mind, and she, thankfully, didn’t cuddle with her or it would’ve been very strange. She also managed to wake up before her, another thing she was worried about. 

She went down to the kitchen to see if her mum bought what she asked her. She put the water to boil and make tea and almost burned herself in the process, just great. She picked up the tofu and avocados to slice them, but she cut her finger instead.

“Fuck!”

“What is it?” Brianna is standing at the door, looking very amused. 

“I just want to make you a special breakfast, but, fuck,” she’s almost crying, she can’t even make breakfast, and she chose the fast one!

“I didn’t have to, Reg,”

“Of course I do! It’s your birthday! And you deserve a proper vegan breakfast or mum will make eggs for you, and I told her you are vegan!” Of course when Regina told her, Winifred muttered a ‘and she’s not your girlfriend’ because she’s worried about her meals.

“Let me help you then,” and they were there, standing in the kitchen making breakfast when Winifred woke up, she decided not to bother them, they looked so cute, laughing and helping each other. She’s sure if they are not girlfriends, as Regina says, they are almost getting into it, she never saw her daughter being so worried about someone, and talking that much about someone. 

Later, when the three of them were on the stage, playing for a large public, she saw the way they looked at each other while playing. By her side, Freddie nodded, she saw it too. And everything she wants is her daughter to be happy and not to break her own heart on the way.


	12. Chapter 11

_ October 2009 _

Brianna was not a tease like the other girls. She didn’t want them to suffer until she told them the news - news that regards all of them. It’s not surprising that they could only find her at home, it was the weekend, after all and they didn’t have the traditional gig, so Regina and Tamara, of course, were out while she was studying. So the first thing she did the other day was to send them a message and ask them to go to the studio. It was Sunday and only the bands and singers were around, all the producers and other more important people would never work during the weekend. So she called there and made sure the studio was free.

She was the first to arrive, even at 1PM, the other girls had plenty of time to wake up and drink a coffee even if they were hungover. Regina had her sunglasses on, but it’s normal for her to use them even at night, so Brianna won’t judge, and Tamara looked like she was about to die. And it was a very good opportunity to tell them.

“So… they are going to release our single next week!”

“What?” Tamara asks, she’s still not listening very well.

“Only the single?” Regina asks, looking disappointed. 

Brianna rolls her eyes. “Really? We’ve been working like crazy to this moment and this is how you react? Yes, it is  _ only  _ a single, but they want to test how it will sell, and then they will release the whole album.”

“What happens if they don’t?” Tamanar is still trying to process everything and Brianna explains to her like she wasn’t there and signed the contract.

“Then they will give the songs back to us and we can try and release them by our own,”

“Oh, right…”

Brianna hums and Regina looks at her. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I am, I am actually very excited to see how our very first single will go, but apparently you two are not,” she snaps. Of course it would go wrong, it’s not like they were focused today.

“Oh, are you sure you are fine?” Regina asks again.

“I said that I am…”

“Bri…”

“Right, fine, yeah, I’m happy about the single, I really am, but… hmm… the landlord said I need to leave the flat in one week, so… I’m still trying to find a new place, it’s not like I can afford living by myself in another place…” she shrugs, she doesn’t want to bother them with it, she really needs to find a place by herself.

Tamara is laughing and Regina just says. “Oh, you can come live with me and Freddie, there’s a spare bed and we always want another person to share the bills with,” she really says without thinking.

“Are you sure? You only have two rooms…” And Tamara laughs harder, something is not right with her today.

“Yeah, but we can manage, I’ll just tell Freddie and you can come tomorrow already,”

Tamara gets up from the chair she was sitting on, goes to Brianna and gives her a kiss on her cheek. And leaves still laughing. The guitarist is really confused.

  
  


“I think I just invited Brianna to live with us?” Regina was trying to break the news, it’s not like she thinks Freddie won’t like the idea, she thinks she would actually love it, after all it’s not like the two of them can cook and Brianna is known by her skills in the kitchen too, at least they will have breakfast.

“I can’t believe it… well, actually I can, but you were faster even for the lesbian stands… but it makes sense, you know each other for more than a year now, have a band together… but why move here?” Freddie asks, and Regina is not understanding.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, aren’t you finally dating?”

“Of course not! She needs a place to live and I wouldn’t let her get all stressed to find another place when we have a perfectly fine flat,” Regina explains.

“Perfect is not a word I would use, but it’s livable…” Freddie smirks. “But it’s great, darling, but she’ll be in your room, right?”

Regina blushes and has no idea how to break this other news. “Hmmm, I was actually thinking about going to your room? You have the spare bed and hmm…”

“And what? Are you afraid of jumping in her in the middle of the night? You have a big bed, why would you want to give it up?” Freddie is trying, really trying, but she’s getting tired of Regina’s stubbornness.

“She needs her privacy, it’s not like I will make her sleep in the same bed as me!”

“Ok, you do whatever you want, but don’t complain when I wear your clothes,”

  
  


The next day they convinced Brianna to move in already. She had only a few furniture of her own, but the most important thing was her old computer and the books, so Regina helped her get them in the flat safely. 

“Thanks, Reg, Hi Freddie,” she says when she’s at the door, she’s been there some times before, but it looks so small right now. She wonders if she’ll have space to study there or if she’ll have to go to the library everyday again.

“Hello darling, welcome home!” Freddie hugs her and helps her with the bags. 

“Sorry we only have two rooms, but you’ll stay here,” she points to Regina’s room.

“Oh…” she had no idea how it was going to work, but she wasn’t expecting it.

“Me and Reg will be in the other room, this way you can have your privacy, I promise,” she winks. But instead of being happy she feels something strange, so maybe she was expecting to be in the same bedroom as Regina? She doesn’t know, but, seeing it now, she kind of expected it, after all she invited her… so why wouldn’t she want to be her room mate? Oh, right, her privacy…

“Thank you, really, but you didn’t need to bother that much, I can find another place soon,” she says, suddenly she’s feeling like a burden, like the two other girls are only helping her out of pity and in the process they have to make sacrifices too, it’s not fair.

“Nonsense, darling, we need you here, sometimes it’s unbearable to be near Regina, so maybe I will have to invade your privacy,” Freddie jokes, and Brianna laughs to not spoil the mood.

“Right, so I guess I’ll meet my new room, then”

“Feel at home, Bri, and don’t forget that I’m here for you too, ok? You can always talk to me,”

“Thank you, Freddie, it means a lot to me,” and now the smile is genuine. She really appreciates it. 


	13. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: depression

_ December 2009 / January 2010 _

They were making plans. They were sitting on the couch laughing, drinking beer and making plans.

It was close to the New Year and they had at least three parties to choose to go. One that Tamara said would be great to them because of the band, one that Regina was invited to and could take her friends and another that Mary friends organized and Freddie wanted to go.

Freddie and Regina were discussing it. 

And Brianna wished she was too. But she didn’t want to think about a new year, about all the meaning behind and the people having fun. She wished she was at her parent’s home, making bread with her mum and playing the guitar with her dad, in a world where she was feeling like living and thinking about the future.

Above all those things her thesis was on hold. She couldn’t pick the papers and the books to write it, she was scared of the tiny words there and they were haunting her. She wasn’t feeling like doing it nor answering her professor’s calls. They will probably kick her out, but she couldn’t care less right now, she couldn’t do it, what will she do? Tell them she’s a loser? That they picked the wrong student? It’s already difficult for a woman to be in the area and she goes and does nothing to prove she’s worth it.

And she wanted to do all those things, she wanted to be writing, like she told her house mates she was, and she wanted to be talking and planning things with them like a normal person does. But she can’t do it.

She can’t even get out of bed. And she feels worse because of it. She likes those depression episodes when she doesn’t feel anything, there she can do nothing without worrying, because her mind is elsewhere. But this is worse, because she’s in herself, she can feel everything and wish she wasn’t, she can tell she’s worthless and get sad because of it.

And is this really depression? Isn’t it she being just lazy? Fuck, she wished she was different.

Regina and Freddie laugh in the living room, they are talking to someone on the phone, it’s probably Tamara or one of the other girls. Do they even miss her? Or they need her only to cook them breakfast and wash the dishes? Will they realize when on New Year’s Eve she doesn’t show up or will they tell other people ‘no, our guitarist is locked in her room studying, you know, she’s a nerd’. She wants to scream, but she doesn’t even have the strength to do it. And she wished months ago that she was sleeping in the same room as Regina, can you believe it? She would never want to be in the same place as her for an entire day, she’s  _ so boring _ . Regina would laugh at her knowing that she doesn’t get up because she can’t.

Something inside of her says that no, Regina knows you, she even helped you once, she knows you have depression, she would never laugh at your face for struggling. But it never affected their band directly, if it does maybe she won’t be that comprehensive. No, Regina is a good friend.

Friend.

Yeah, Regina is her friend and would never be something more. Does Brianna even want to date or do something else with a bandmate? Yes, she likes Regina, but it’s not like Regina likes her back like  _ this _ , she’s cool and doesn’t like nerds. But it’s fine, Regina will always be a friend.

Right?

Well, she just hopes that she’ll sleep now, so she can’t hear the sound of her  _ friends _ laughing.

  
  


It was New Year Eve and Brianna only got out of the room twice to grab something to eat and sometimes to go to the bathroom. Regina was so worried, she thought about knocking at the door, but Brianna probably doesn’t want to be bothered, after all she said she needed peace, didn’t she? So, she’ll give her peace.

But it’s the last day of the year, and despite having work to do, Brianna deserves some fun too. Regina was looking at the ceiling, thinking about what she could do when Freddie speaked up. They were getting ready to go to the party, but Regina doesn’t know if she’s in the mood.

“She’s depressed, Reg…”

“What?”

“Bri, at first I thought she was just studying, but then I realized that our light here is not dropping, you know, that happens when she turns on her computer. Then I thought that maybe, I don’t know, she was only studying with the books… but it’s been four days…”

And then Regina got more alert and properly listened to what the other girl was saying.

“Do you think she…?” She doesn’t know what to ask because she doesn’t know what to think. Is really Brianna that bad under their roof and they didn’t realize? God, she’s not even eating.

“Well, I think she needs your help,” Freddie says and Regina knows she’s being serious.

“Why me?”

“Because she listens to you,”

“I-I don’t know, Fred, what if I say something that will make it worse?”

“Only if you say you want her to move out and kick her out of the band,”

“You know I’ll never do it,”

“I do… but go talk to her, if she’s really bad we’ll stay here with her,” Freddie proposed, and Regina got confused.

“We will?”

“Of course, darling, we’re her best friend and we’ve been neglecting her for days, the least we can do is stay with her,”

“Ok, I’ll try,”

She gets up, she’s still in her pajamas, she didn’t find the courage to change yet, and you know what? She likes Freddie’s idea of staying in today. Ok, it’s New Year, but…

She stops when she arrives at Brianna's door. How will she do it? Just hug her like she did last time? Or say something? She doesn’t even know what’s wrong, last time she did. Or should she ask? Isn’t it rude to invade her privacy? 

She takes a deep breath and knocks at the door.

Nothing.

Then again.

Nothing.

She starts thinking the worst, but maybe Brianna is just sleeping. Yeah, she’s probably sleeping. She’s about to turn around and go back to her room when she decides that maybe she should insist more.

“Bri?”

Nothing.

“Bri? Open the door, it’s me, Regina, I-I just want to talk to you…”

She can’t even hear movement from inside the room.

“I miss you, can’t we just chat a little? Or maybe cuddle on the couch? I’m cold…”

_ What, Regina? You never did that, why are you saying it? Stupid. _ She thinks to herself. But now she can hear footsteps. And the door unlocking. She waits a little, Brianna didn’t answer, so she’s not sure if she’s invited to go in.

When she finally opens the door, she can’t see too much, the room is dark and if she didn’t know where the bed is she would be lost. 

“Hey Bri,” she says quietly. The other girl doesn’t answer. Regina tries not to sigh, this is not about her, this is about trying to make Brianna feel better. “We decided to stay in tonight. We can do a karaoke session until midnight and drink our poor wine…” She approaches the bed. “You can join me and Freddie if you want…” She sits on the side of the bed opposed to where Brianna is turned. “You need to make our voices smoother, it can be a tragedy if it’s only me and her singing,” she tries to joke without laughing to see if Brianna will react.

Well, she did. She turned around.

And Regina was surprised to see her like this, well, what she could see in the dim light. Her hair was curly, she probably didn’t straighten them up the last time she took a shower, she had bags under her eyes and it looks like she didn’t sleep in days, and somehow she looks thinner, and small.

“What are you feeling, Bri? You know you can talk to me, and Freddie, we are here for you,”

Brianna nods.

“Can I hug you?” She tries.

Brianna nods again. Regina opens a smile. At least she’s opening up.

The drummer lays beside her with her head a little up, so she can properly hug her, it’s difficult being small sometimes. And she wraps her arms around Brianna’s shoulder. She expected her to cry, but it didn’t happen. They stayed in silence for sometime.

“It’s the end of the year… I… I don’t like it…”

She hugs her tighter.

“It’s ok, Bri… there’s nothing wrong with it,” and now she can feel that Brianna is breathing better. 

The night and the year ends with the three of them laying on bed, looking at the ceiling and telling stories about their childhood. In the end it was a happy new year, and they got Brianna back.


	14. Chapter 13

_ April 2010 _

Brianna was finally feeling at home living with Regina and Freddie. She could retake her routine and also got back to writing her thesis. Her professor was very nice to her and he understood what she’s been through. He also said that she’s still in the beginning and has a couple of years to develop what she’s writing, so she has time. It made her feel relieved, so she didn’t fucked it up.

The problem was the money. She wasn’t working and only her scholarship was not being enough, thankfully she’s sharing a flat with two people now, the bad news is that those two people are also broken. She decided to search for a school to teach in the beginning of the next scholar year, she can teach math and at the same time earn some money, she doesn’t have class to attend anymore, so her mornings are free.

The other problem, the one that also had to do with the money, is the band. Their single didn’t sell the way they were expecting and, of course, the record company will not release their album. They only had those college gigs as always and almost two years as a band. But at first she and Regina weren’t seeing it as a problem. It can happen, they need to try again, maybe with another song, maybe they need to write a new song because that music that will put them there is not on paper yet. They even sat down one night, neither of them could sleep and went to the kitchen to start a new song. It was the first time Brianna wrote with her, she and Tamara already contributed in many songs, actually almost every song they have the two of them wrote, with the addition of the drums by Regina.

But apparently only the two of them were thinking like this.

That day Regina drove them to the studio, they still could practice there. But Tamara didn’t show up in the time she always does, but neither of them thought too much about it, maybe she woke up late or she had to do something with her boyfriend or got stuck in the traffic.

So they decided to put in practice the song they wrote. It’s not complete yet, but both of them already have the sounds they want in mind. Brianna picked up her guitar and tuned her, Regina stretched and headed to the drums. The guitarist was the first to show what she wanted with the guitar parts, Regina agreed with the beginning, but thought that the solo could have more  _ soul _ . Then it was time for the drummer to play, of course they disagreed on the rhythm, but in the end they could find a tempo they both agreed. Then they played together.

It was weird to hear the sound without the bass, but they liked it nonetheless. Regina started singing the lyrics and decided to change it a little, Brianna agreed, saying that indeed it wouldn’t be good in a song and hearing the lyrics didn’t make much sense.

They were so caught up in the work that they didn’t hear Tamara arriving. The bassist was standing at the door, looking at them working together without killing each other.

“Oh, you are alive,” Regina comments and Brianna laughs, but Tamara didn’t find it funny. The two other girls shared a look, yeah, it is not normal.

“Are you ok?” Brianna asks, already worried.

“We need to talk,” she says, pointing to the couch. Brianna sat down with her, but Regina stayed in her drums, it doesn’t sound like good news, so she will stay there, thank you very much.

“I won’t take long, I don’t want to waste your time any longer,” she takes a deep breath, but Brianna can tell she’s not nervous at all. “I can’t do this anymore, you two are great and the best friends I could’ve ever asked, but this, the band, us, we won’t go anywhere,”

The two women look at her, but neither of them dare to say a thing, they’ll wait for Tamara to finish it.

“We tried, we tried to release the album, but… my boyfriend said a new band needed a bass player, Humpy Bong, so I auditioned to them and I got in,”

“Humpy Bong?” Regina asks rhetorically, she can’t believe in what she’s hearing.

“Humpy Bong,” Tamara tries to smile at her. Brianna is speechless, she wants to say so many things, but she can’t. She just snorts and smiles too. “Ok, good luck,” she finishes, gets up and leaves. 

The guitarist stares at the door after she left. What the hell just happened? Regina gets up, finally, and sits on the spot Tamara was first. She doesn’t know what to say either. Five minutes ago they were making a new song, thinking about what they will do next and ready to ask Tamara what she thought. Now they have no band anymore.

Well, at least they don’t have the bass player and the lead singer. Almost half of the band. 

“Before we had a band together, you know,” Brianna finally finds her voice. Regina looks carefully at her. “It was called 1984, because of the George Orwell book, we used to play a lot of blues, I don’t know, I didn’t like it that much, but she loved it. And it was good, she was having fun while we were in high school. But then we moved, started college, and decided to form another band,” she smiles sadly. “Before you arrived she was everything that I had, we shared the same dreams and I thought our band would be forever but… I guess she doesn’t like our rock’n’roll…”

Regina doesn’t say anything, it’s been two years that she knows Tamara and it hurts. Not only because of the band, but also because the three of them were good friends. She hopes that they won’t lose it being apart like this. But she can’t imagine how it is to Brianna.

They stay like this for a while and the studio has never been so quiet. What will they do now? 

Regina remembers what they were doing before. “Bri?”

The brunette looks at her.

“What if we play just the two of us? I know it’s not the same without a bass, but we can adapt our songs, what we did early today was good, wasn’t it? And we both can sing…”

This time Brianna really smiles. “So you want to keep doing it?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know,”

“I don’t want really to pursue a career in biology, I’m a much better drummer,”

“You can find another band,” Brianna points, and it makes Regina feel angry, more than when Tamara said she was leaving.

“Really? But I don’t want another band, I want Smile, I want to be with you,” it was a little strange, but she said it.

“I want Smile too, Reg…”

“So why don’t we open to audition new bass players? You can get the auditorium in the Imperial, can’t you?” Regina proposes.

“Yeah, I guess so, but can’t we get drunk first?” Brianna smirks.

“It’s eleven in the morning,” Regina points.

“And when did it stop you?”

“Good point,”

Brianna takes her guitar case and they go home. Thank god for the stock of cheap wine that Regina has in the cupboard, and thank god for Freddie, who has the best ideas for drinking games.

They can do it, think about a solution, but tomorrow.


	15. Chapter 14

_ May 2010 _

It’s been one month since Tamara left the band. Brianna was studying more than even, putting all her efforts on her thesis. Regina was trying to keep practicing, drumming is the only thing that keeps her sane during this time of the year, while she and Freddie try to earn some money with their poor stall.

And it’s when it all started. She asked them time, she couldn’t decide something big like this. At first, when she was young, she always played in a band with boys, always being the only girl. When she found out the girls-only band she ended up being part of, she decided she would never play again without, at least, one woman with her. The business is already male dominated, she won’t contribute with it by being the ‘pretty face’ of the band. 

That’s why when a guy from Genesis called her to make an audition for them as they were looking for a drummer, she asked if they needed a guitarist. They say they are and she thought it would be perfect, she and Brianna would have a band to play in. But when she told them she has the perfect guitarist for them, they said they didn’t want a female guitarist.

She thanked him and said she would see her schedule because of the final exams and would call him back. She just had the perfect opportunity for her career, an already solid band who plays big gigs and is having a name already. But that’s what she would be, the pretty face, the dumb blonde who plays the dumbest instrument. They would sell, but they would never sing one of her songs, she would never be in interviews alone and would never speak.

But it was a great opportunity, she’s not famous and they heard about her, it’s already a thing to consider.

But the cons were winning the pros. She had promised Brianna that they would be together, that they would reconstruct their band or play just the two of them. And she can’t leave her like this. How could she? Brianna believed in her, she can’t betray her trust like this. And can she really play without her? She got used at seeing her in front of her during the gigs, smiling at each other when they lock eyes. Besides it, no one has a sound like Brianna, her guitar is something else and she got used to making her sound match with the Red Special’s. 

And she needs to tell Brianna about it. She’s sure she will say that she should accept it, because the brunette is like this, she thinks about the others first. So Regina decided she will think about a solution to their band before, maybe if they find out a bassist they can come back as Smile and she will have  _ this _ excuse, which is the best one.

“No, thanks, I already have a band. With only girls,”

So she goes to her room, finds a piece of paper and a pen and writes an ad, she will put them in her and Brianna’s University to try and find someone to save their band.

  
  


But her plans didn't go as she was expecting. When the phone rang, she thought it would be someone that saw the ad, she put her cellphone and the house’s number, the more the merrier, but her phone didn’t ring, so maybe the person couldn’t reach her and decided to call the house.

But before she could answer it, Brianna did. Her heart started beating fast.

“Regina Taylor? Yes, she’s here, just a minute,” she says. Then she turns to where the blonde is, on the couch, and says. “Phone for you, misses Taylor, they want to know if you are going to the audition,”

And Regina thought she would die. She wasn’t expecting them to call and she didn’t say a word to Brianna yet, but now she found out in the worst way possible, god, she’s probably hating her right now for looking for a band behind her back.

She gets up and picks the phone from Brianna, trying to smile at her, but doesn't get a smile back. She says hello to the person on the other side, still smiling, and answering them like this too. She needs to be polite, but at the same time she needs to make a point to Brianna that she would never do something without her. 

“I would love to, but I can’t, I already have a band, so I’m not available at the moment,” is she lying? No and yes, she  _ doesn’t _ have a band, at least not a full band, but she’s definitely not available at the moment.

The guy on the other side of the phone says, “too bad, you were the drummer we were looking for,” and then hung up.

She looks at Brianna, who’s still standing beside her, and wants to say a lot of things. But she didn’t need to, because apparently Brianna got what she was trying to say with those words from seconds ago.

“Thank you, Reg,” and then Brianna goes to the kitchen, leaving a blushing Regina standing there.

  
  


It was a rare day off, they were just chilling on the couch, Brianna with her acoustic guitar, Freddie sitting beside her and Regina laying on the floor. It started with Brianna playing some notes, some they already knew, others were from their own songs and others Brianna was making up right there. 

After some time they decided to sing too, each one some songs, and when it was Brianna’s turn to sing Regina took control of the guitar. When it was Freddie’s turn, they were doing the same thing, Brianna playing, Regina making some backing vocals, until Freddie was singing the last verse.

Regina looked at Brianna, who was already looking at her, her hands expertly moving to play the guitar, but her eyes and mind were somewhere else. And Regina knew what she was thinking, because she was thinking the exact same thing.

“Wait, Freddie, can we sing Doing Alright?” Regina asked, sitting up again.

“Of course, but why would you want me to sing one of your own songs?” Freddie contests.

“Don’t ask, just to it,”

“Ok,”

They started singing, and when they arrived in the chorus magic happened. The three of them sang ‘doing alright’ at the same time, harmoniously, and they couldn’t believe it actually happened.

“This is it,” Brianna says, putting her guitar on her side.

“Yeah,” Regina agrees, opening a big smile.

“What?” Freddie asks, having no idea of what is happening.

“You are the perfect sing for Smile, Freddie!” Brianna announces, neither of them will accept a no as an answer. But they know Freddie is not happy with her own band.

“Wait, really?”

“Yes! Welcome on board!” Regina jumps on her and they laugh.

“Well, we still need a bassist, but you earned a pianist too,”

“This is perfect,” and the three of them share a hug. Well, the band is safe in the way it was supposed to be.


	16. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, as it is the first time I write about the former members, I decided to name Mike Grose as Michelle... anyway, have fun reading <3

_ June 2010 _

They had only about a month to practice together. It was not that difficult, Freddie knew all the songs, she added others that both Regina and Brianna already knew too, because she showed them before and they were ready to go.

They also changed the band’s name. Freddie liked the name Smile, don’t get her wrong, but the band is now different and they need something different too. She was glad that neither Regina or Brianna opposed the idea, so they changed it to King. It was a new beginning. Freddie also drawed a quick logo, she didn’t like it too much, but she didn’t have the time to do a proper one, that they will definitely need.

Oh, and they also got a new bass player. They had some auditions, they specifically said that they want a  _ woman _ , of course that some men show up too. Thankfully Regina was angry enough to kick them out only with a glance. In the end she got what she wanted - it was her, more than anyone else, but the other two were also grateful for it, who wanted an all-women band. But it was not through the auditions, she remembered about a friend, she used to go to some of their Smile gig’s too, who plays bass, Michelle.

Regina was not sure if she wanted to be in a band. She was from Cornwell, just like her, they went to school together back then, and she also went to London for a short period of time. She was not the type of girl like Regina, who dreamt about being a rock star and wanted for people to know her, she was shy, more reserved, but a hell of a bass player.

So she invited her. And surprisingly she said yes.

The three of them were very happy about it, and quickly they made some rehearsals in random places Brianna booked for them, the negative point was that they had to move Regina’s drum kit around. They learned that Michelle was, indeed, a very good bass player like Regina told them, and so they had everything ready. 

They just needed a place to play in.

And, of course, you can always count on Winfried. When Freddie told her about the band, she quickly made sure that they had a night to play in the Truro Theater. When Regina heard about it she had no idea if she was supposed to feel angry, happy, excited or whatever.

First because Freddie and her mum did everything behind her back (later she learned that Michelle was behind it too, having talked with her parents too, who helped!). Then because they will have their first show as King, she is so happy because of it, they are managing to scale everything again. And she’s excited because they are going to play under a different name and different members, it’s going to be a whole different experience from one year ago.

She’s also proud. Very proud of themselves. And, of course, the gig is going to be one day after her birthday, so it means that his mum will finally be able to do something about it.

And girl, she did. 

The first thing was: this time when they arrived in Truro, there were only three people to be in her house, because, of course, Michelle is staying in her own place. Regina was expecting that her mum would put Freddie and Brianna in the same room, right? Wrong. 

Freddie stayed alone in the guest room and she had to sleep with Brianna. Her mum said it was because Freddie was her favorite. The guitarist laughed, and said it was no problem at all, being always polite as she is. But Regina groaned and said nothing, her mum will be the death of her.

Because the next day she fucking woke up almost on top of Brianna, laying against her and fucking huging her! She has no idea how that happened, she slept so well and didn’t feel either of them moving. When she realized what she was doing she opened her eyes, and met Brianna’s hazel ones looking straight at her.

“Had a nice birthday night? Feeling old yet?” Brianna asks her, she doesn’t understand for a while, but then realizes that yesterday was her birthday and now she’s officially 21 years old.

Her arm was still around Brianna’s chest, and she quickly takes it back and jumps out of the bed, almost like she got scared. “Sorry,” she says after looking at the confused expression in Brianna’s face, “did I move too much? Didn’t mean to take your side of the bed too,” she blushes a little, but Brianna only smiles at her.

“It’s ok, Reg, it’s your bed,”

“Ok, I’m… hmm… I’m going to make us breakfast,”

“No, you are not, remember what happened last time?”

Regina wanted to show her the middle finger, but she didn’t, because Brianna was right.

  
  


Their gig was a success. Most of the people there were only curious to know about this new band, and also to see the two girls from the city, Regina and Michelle. The drummer and Brianna were already different from one year ago, Regina because of her smile, she enjoyed that gig with Smile, but she’s absolutely loving this one. And the guitarist because she was wearing makeup, in the last one, and in all of the gigs with Smile, Freddie tried to convince her to wear at least a lipstick, but she always refused. But now Freddie played the card that she will not sing if Brianna doesn’t wear the clothes she separates for her and not wear light makeup.

And girl, Regina already thought Brianna was stunning, but with the makeup and the lipstick she looks so beautiful that she’s almost begging her to use them everyday. The only thing she would change is the hair, she and Freddie already tried to persuade her, saying that her natural hair is the prettiest and the curls are just great, but Brianna doesn’t think like this, so she keeps straightening them. Her justification is that they only saw her with the curls when she was not in a good place, so it doesn’t count.

So Regina had no idea if her smile was because of the gig itself or because of Brianna’s spirit. Either way it was good.

  
  


But, of course, nothing can last long enough for them to get used. When they are back in London, after another gig, Michelle said the words they were all scared of. But they didn’t judge her.

“I’m sorry, girls, you are really amazing, but…” she stops for a second, looking at the three other girls. “This life is not for me, I can see you are going to get big, and I can’t do this, I wish you all the best,”

And Regina smiled, she knew she was like this, but she thought she was changing her mind. She guesses it was not supposed to be.

The only problem was that now they need another bassist. 

And where will they find her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler:
> 
> It won't be Joan... 
> 
> Yet...


	17. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you know, Barbara is Barry Mitchell

_ July 2010 _

And there they were, booking auditions after auditions, until they realized that it is not working and will never work. They need a new bassist and they need her as soon as possible.

Brianna was already getting tired, she needed to focus more on her thesis, she was thinking a lot about it, about the band, and about a future job she’ll need to get if the band doesn’t work. Ok, it’s been only two weeks, but she can’t help but overthink. Thankfully there’s Regina and Freddie, they are both optimists, and can’t stop but making plans for when they are famous. It’s even contaminating Brianna, who’s also joined them in imagining how their future will be, that it even lessens her thoughts. 

So she guesses her therapist was right, listening to the people close to you, thinking about good things with them and making them help you even if they don’t know it is a very good remedy for her. Brianna was always against these formulas that say you have to do this and that to not have episodes of depression and anxiety anymore, because each person is different and she knows there’s no cure, there’s only ways to prevent it. And she’s glad that she found her way with her friend's spirit and help, although she wanted Regina to be more than a friend, but one thing at a time.

On Friday night she decided to go out with them, it’s been a while since she’s done something like this without being their own gig, but she didn’t let Freddie dress her up. 

“I’m already going with you, don’t push me too much,”

“Oh no, you are going with Regina, I already have Mary with me,” she winks, still trying to persuade Brianna on putting tighter pants. She thinks that she would never look good on those, Regina looks amazing, did you see that she actually fits on the pants? Brianna is skinny everywhere.

“You know what I mean,” she will never admit out loud that she loves the idea of being Regina’s  _ date _ , but she’s almost sure that she will find someone more interesting at the bar, the world is full of those.

She offered to drive, she still doesn’t feel comfortable to drink alcohol, so she will be the responsible one tonight. They quickly found a table, but when Brianna looks at Regina, talking to the bartender, she thinks that probably he already knew they were going and left it empty for them. She watched Regina ordering their drinks and coming back, she was already getting up to order her own when the blonde put a soda in front of her, smiling.

“Thank you, Reg,” she smiles back.

“Don’t worry, you can pay the next round,” Regina winks.

They laugh and talk for hours, Freddie and Mary are on top of each other, Regina is already drunk and Brianna just watches everything. It is indeed a girls night as neither of them made a move to go to the dancefloor, where first a band was playing and now there’s a DJ, or to find someone else. Well, the only single there are she and Regina, so…

Their conversation eventually touches the point of the bassist they are looking for. And girl, if they knew that it was just talk to Mary about it that she would solve their problem they would’ve done it way sooner.

“Oh, so you are looking for a bassist? Why didn’t you tell me, Freddie? Barbara is available!” Mary said, Regina looked at Brianna with her eyes shining, and she’s not sure if it is because of what Mary just told them or because of the alcohol.

“Wait, isn’t Barbara that girl who played today?” Brianna remembers Mary mentioning her, they didn’t pay attention to the gig, so they can’t tell if she’s good, but doesn’t she have a band already?

“Yesssss! But she’s like a freelancer, but she’s soooo good, you girls will loooove her,”

“Ok, so I guess we should do it already?” Freddie says, and Mary gets up to look for her. Regina is still looking at Brianna, who’s a little uncomfortable with the staring, but she plays it on the drummer being drunk.

“Here she is!” Brianna looks at this Barbara, she’s also tall, has short hair and a soft expression, and the guitarist sees a lot of herself in that girl. Regina finally comes out of her haze and says. “Oh, so you are the bassist?”

“Yes, I’m Barbara, nice to meet you,” she has a good voice too, very calm. Regina almost jumps and Brianna is not understanding what the drummer wants.

“This is Regina, sorry, she’s a little drunk already,” Brianna says, figuring out the bassist is also sober. “I’m Brianna, the guitarist, she’s the drummer… I guess you already know Freddie?”

She and Mary are not paying attention anymore. “Yes, Mary already introduced us once,”

“Ok, I don’t have paper here, so can you meet me tomorrow in the Imperial College Theater? At noon? We have it booked, although I don’t know if they will be healthy enough to do much of anything,” she laughs. 

The bassist laughs too. Brianna finds herself more and more interested in knowing more about this girl. “Yes, of course, I will be there, thank you,” and then she goes back to her table.

Brianna sighs. She takes the last sip of her soda and finds Regina clinging on her.

“I want to go home,” and if they weren’t close she wouldn’t have heard her. “Take me home, Bri, pleaaaase,” it sent a shiver down her spine, but she needs to control herself, Regina’s lips near her ear, she whispering like this, smelling alcohol, it’s not a good combination at all.

“Ok Reg, let’s go home,”

She probably said it louder, because Freddie came closer and said, “you can go, I’ll stay at Mary’s tonight,”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, of course,”

  
  


It was not easy to deal with Regina in normal days, when she is drunk it is almost impossible. She wasn’t collaborating to get in the van; she was making it very difficult for Brianna to drive, because she wanted to sit on her lap; then she couldn’t go up the stairs; then she didn’t want to brush her teeths and change her clothes; then she didn’t want to go to her room and sleep in her bed.

Brianna had to let her lay in her bed, and once she went to the bathroom, changed her clothes and came back, Regina was already sleeping. She can’t help but think Regina looks like an angel when she’s sleeping, her messy blond hair around her face and her calm expression, the opposite from when she’s awake because she’s like a hurricane, she doesn’t stop and is always talking and doing something.

And Brianna wanted not to fall in love. Too bad she couldn’t control her own heart, that started beating fast when she felt Regina coming closer to her, in her sleep. She couldn’t help but hug her back, she can pretend she was sleeping too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I posted this chapter before planned because I can't wait to arrive in the next one... and you all will like it too xx


	18. Chapter 17

_ October 2010 _

Regina had everything planned for her Friday night. No, she wouldn’t go out tonight, she would stay in, order a pizza, ask Brianna to join her, as Freddie already has plans with Mary (Regina likes her, but she thinks she’s more a friend than a girlfriend, but who’s she to say anything), and when they are watching a movie she will finally say that she likes her. Yeah, she will do it.

She always knew her mother and Freddie were right, she always liked Brianna, since the first time they met, but she was denying it, scared of her own feelings. But it’s been more than two years now and she needs to stand up. It’s not like she had doubts about Brianna liking women, she never said she didn’t, she said she already kissed a girl,  _ they _ already kissed, although it was not in the way she wanted. Regina thinks she doesn’t date anybody because she’s focused on her studies and the band, but Regina is in the band, and she already knows her routine, they already live together, so it wouldn’t be a problem, right? Well, Freddie said she likes her too and it’s too oblivious, so the probability of Brianna saying that she doesn’t like her back or that she doesn’t want a relationship or anything else are minimal, right? What can go wrong?

She’s nervous and she has no idea what to do, she was never like this, she’s always confident. But of course it got worse after Brianna came out of her room. She was wearing tight jeans, a black sandal (she never wears high heels), a top that shows the lower part of her belly, her hair is curly (finally!) and she has light makeup on. In short, she’s looking prettier than ever. And no, that’s not the problem, Regina thinks she could look at her her entire life and never get tired of doing it, but the problem is that it’s Friday night and Brianna is looking like she’s getting out.

“Are you going somewhere?” Regina asks, she’s sitting on the couch, she just ordered the pizza and was about to start her plans.

“I have a date,” she answers, picking up her keys and putting them in her purse.

“What?” Regina asks again, did she hear it right?

“I have a date?”

“A date?”

“Yeah, a date, with Chrissie,”

“Chrissie like the secretary?” Regina remembers her, they met on that awful they the blond wants to forget.

“Yes, like her, I don’t know when I come back, so you can lock the door,” Brianna says and leaves. Yeah, she leaves, just like that, she doesn’t say goodbye, doesn’t ask what she will do, nothing.

And really? Regina feels like she deserves it. She thought Brianna would wait for her, that she would be there when she decided to finally tell her. Or did she never want it? What if Freddie was wrong and everything Brianna did was indeed because she was a good friend? And now Regina puts her hopes on the sky and is crashing down. Well, at least she has the pizza. She’s happy that Freddie is not at home or she would make her life a hell. She will do it either way, so it better be tomorrow that she will won’t be freshly heartbroken.

  
  


The second movie of the night was almost ending, but don’t ask her which was because she wasn’t paying attention. She ordered another pizza because she doesn’t want to get drunk because of the hangover, so she will drown herself in food, so she will get fat instead. She heard the door opening but didn’t bother to look up, if it was Brianna she wouldn’t take her chance to see Chrissie too, it’s too soon to finish a date, so she probably got her home.

So she closed her eyes. She got confused once she felt the person sitting beside her, it was not cold yet, but she had a blanket with her, and the person also came under this blanket. Then she heard the person opening the pizza box and picking a slice.

Only then she found the courage to open her eyes.

And it was Brianna.

“What?” She asks while watching the other girl eating.

“What what?” Brianna asks back.

“What are you doing here?”

“It’s my house too?”

“No, idiot, weren’t you on a date with Chrissie?” She says, trying not to sound jealous, what she definitely is.

“Oh, yeah, I was,” she takes another slice.

“And?”

“It was shit, I can’t make proper conversation with other people, she got bored and left,” Brianna shrugs, but Regina is not buying it.

“Really?”

“Yes,”

“And you are cool with that?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you just said it was shit?”

“It’s fine,”

They exchange these words in seconds, talking faster and faster as they don’t even think about their next words. 

“Why is it fine?”

“Because I don’t like her,”

“You what?”

“Yeah, I just asked her out to take you out of my head, but she realized it,”

“You did what?”

At this moment they stop. Both girls looked at each other and were breathing heavily. Brianna was red and Regina couldn’t believe in what she just heard. It’s like she’s dreaming, yeah, she’s probably dreaming. This can’t be true. Or maybe Brianna is drunk.

“Are you drunk?” She asks, she needs to make sure it’s true and that the guitarist remembers this tomorrow, because really, she won’t say ‘I can’t take you out of my head either’ and then tomorrow they will be the same. No, she won’t do it.

“No, I told you I can’t drink,” she answers. They stay in silence for a while. In complete silence. The movie already ended and she didn’t get up to put another, so they didn’t even have the noise from the television. The only thing that made sure they were there and alive was their breathing.

After a while Brianna speaks again, this time calmer and, somehow, sad. “I’m sorry, Reg, I don’t know what happened that I said those things, but now… I tried, you gave some signals, I tried to follow them, Freddie said I shouldn’t worry because it wasn’t unrequited as I was worried about, and I believed in her, I thought I could have a chance, but then every time something happened,” she stops to take a breath. “You just left or got away or said a joke or something, and then I realized… I decided to try something… it didn’t work,” she laughs nervously, “but now you can forget about it, we… I hope nothing changes, I’m sorry…”

She stands up and Regina is still freezed. God, she is so so so stupid. How could she be so afraid of showing her affection and ended up giving Brianna the wrong impression? She already knew she was dumb after realizing she couldn’t think other people will wait for her to decide her fucking mind, but now it got worse. Now Brianna said she can forget it. But she doesn’t want to forget it.

And now Brianna is not there anymore and she listens to the bedroom door closing.

Fuck.

She needs to do something.

She finally gets up. She’s shaking, this is not how she imagined confessing her feelings, but she guesses this is how things will go from now on. She stops at the door and knocks. She doesn’t wait for Brianna to open it and starts.

“I’m stupid, Bri. I’m so so dumb, maybe I’ll dye my hair black to see if I can do things right…” she tries to light up the mood, it doesn’t work, of course. “But I gave you the wrong signals, Bri, because I love every moment we are together, every touch and every night laying on the couch. If I left was because I was freaking out, because I didn’t know what my feelings were, and after because I was just scared. You are so perfect, Bri, and I’m not sure if I deserve to be with someone like you,”

She was so caught up in her own speech that she didn’t realize Brianna opened the door and was looking at her.

“Wait, so it’s true?” 

“Is it?”

“I think I fell in love with you the first time you walked in that auditory with the high heels and the most perfect drumming,” Brianna says, smiling.

“I think I fell in love with you the first time I walked in that auditory and saw the most beautiful and talented guitarist ever,” she replied, smiling too.

Brianna invited her in the room and in the moment she closed the door behind her they kissed. And it was their first proper kiss. Not a game not pretending to be girlfriends because of a guy. Regina knew Brianna tasted good, her lips are soft and she has a mint taste with something else she can’t describe. 

And it is the best moment in her life. She thinks she can live like this forever and survive only with Brianna’s by her side. Are they dating? Girlfriends? Just a thing? She doesn’t know, and for tonight she doesn’t want to think about it, because all her dreams are coming true.


	19. Chapter 18

_ October 2010 _

Brianna woke up the next day feeling lighter. She was still with her eyes closed and trying to remember why she was feeling better than she did probably in her whole life. She then felt something on her - someone. She opened her eyes and saw that bunch of blonde hair that belongs to only one person: Regina.

And then she starts remembering: the poor date with Chrissie, telling her that she shouldn’t try to forget the one she loves, that it’s not fair for both of them. She can still hear her voice saying “I like you, Brianna, you know I do, but I would be only fooling myself thinking that you would’ve wanted something genuine with me, and I want to see you happy, you wouldn’t be truly happy with me”. And Brianna made sure to tell her that she’s an amazing person and she likes her, just not the same way she likes Regina. Together they decided to forget about this date and return to only being friends.

She was a little sad because she had no idea if Regina liked her back. She flirts with everybody and they fight a lot when they are discussing anything about music, she’s not sure how she managed to write that song together without raising their voices. It never affected their relationship as friends, they always forget about it once it was over and it was ok. 

One day when she was talking to Freddie and sharing her feelings, Freddie told her to observe how their relationship is, compared to how they treat her or the others. But still Brianna had her doubts, especially when Regina left after they did something more intimate. 

But then she got home and she had no idea what got into her, and as Regina was asking her what happened she just told the truth. She confessed her feelings and then the drummer just said she likes her too, like, she really said it, in all pretty words and feelings in her voice.

And then they kissed.  _ Really _ kissed.

Brianna thought she was in heaven, this amazing woman saying that she loves her, wanting to be with her. And she feels like she’s in heaven now, with Regina on her, still sleeping peacefully, not seeming like this hurricane she is when she’s awake. And Brianna is sure she loves both of them.

She then starts thinking about how it will be. Will Regina want a serious relationship? Will she be able to be a good girlfriend while having so much going on in her life? Well, Regina already knows what she does, so it won’t be a problem, right? And how will it affect their professional life? Freddie will sure approve it, but will Barbara care? And in the future, if they make it, how will it be with their future fans and the press? 

“I can hear you overthinking,” Regina says, turning a little to look up at her. Brianna smiles.

“Good morning,”

“Good morning Bri,” Regina then steals a kiss and Brianna thinks she can get used to it every morning. “I think we should discuss some things so you won’t overthink that much,” 

They sit up on the bed, Regina takes one of Brianna’s hands on his own and carefully says. “I would love to have you as my girlfriend, Bri, you may think that I’m not up for a relationship, but with  _ you _ I am,” she stops for a second to see her reaction. “But if you don’t want it, it’s ok, I will respect your time and we can-”

But Brianna didn’t let her finish, she shut her up with a kiss. Yesterday she said she was dumb, right? Well, she will be if she thinks Brianna doesn’t want her. “This is everything I ever wanted, Reg,”

They smiled, but soon another subject came in. “Do you think we should just stay quiet for a while? I mean, I just said that I want to be your girlfriend, but you know… I…” Regina doesn’t know how to say it, but thankfully Brianna understands her.

“I know, I don’t think other people knowing will make a difference, we can just be ourselves, we don’t need to announce to the world. Just Freddie, she will obviously see, and Barbara? What do you think?”

Regina breaths, thankful that Brianna got what she meant, but it wouldn’t be a problem, the guitarist is very reserved. “She won’t stay for too long,”

“What?”

“I mean, it’s obvious, isn’t it? She doesn’t enjoy our songs the way she should…”

“Ok,” Brianna tries not to think about it, they have a track of bad luck with bass players after Tamara left and she still doesn’t want to talk about what she did with the dreams they shared since high school. “Your mum? She is nice,”

“Bri, love, my mum already thought we were together, I don’t even have to say anything, she wouldn’t change her mind not even if we never got together,” they laugh, but Brianna suddenly feels sad.

“I wanted to tell my parents but… I don’t know if they…” She never said anything about her parents, just that her father made Red Special and that’s it. Regina probably already figured out.

“It’s ok, take your time, I won’t ever pressure you, ok?” She kisses her cheek and Brianna feels better. She’s glad that she’s finding in less than 24 hours that Regina will not only be her girlfriend, but also her confidant, her partner and her friend. 

“So will you come to sleep in this room with me?” She asks, opening a big smile.

“If I’m going to be honest, I wanted to sleep with you here since the day you moved,”

  
  
  


The first day officially dating was normal. It was Saturday so they had rehearsal at midday, they did everything they always did there, although the mood was not that good because Regina was right, Barbara is not that keen on their songs, but she’s too polite to say. She is not bad, on the contrary, she just likes other stuff.

They also don’t say anything, they have a gig in two weeks and they won’t risk it. Regina and Brianna had their usual discussion over a song one thought they should put on the set list and the other didn’t want it in. Freddie let them discuss to see if they would finish it with a kiss. Unfortunately they didn’t and they even agreed on the subject after half an hour.

When they were at home Freddie saw the difference. The mood, the tension that had between them was gone, replaced with laughs, jokes and a much much lighter mood. It was after dinner that she finally saw the kiss. She wanted to jump on them, because they are so cute together, but at the same time they were so stupid that they could have had it a long time before.

Well, she was definitely happy for her friend, but she was happier to have the room all for herself again. 


	20. Chapter 19

_ January 2011 _

Another year, another opportunity to… having to start all over again.

Brianna was enjoying her new life as having a commitment with somebody else. She and Regina decided to only ‘celebrate’ when they reach one year together, thinking it would be a waste of time to say “happy monthversary” every fucking month until you reach 12 months. She thinks they don’t have a ‘honeymoon’ phase, that they are pretty much the same as they were before. Except that now they have sex. A lot of sex.

And she loves it. She never had an experience like that, to be touched with so much  _ love _ . When Regina is kissing her all over, doing wonders with her tongue in her clit and all around, teasing her until she can’t wait and comes like that, moaning her  _ girlfriend’s name. _ And when she’s fingering Regina and she’s almost screaming, saying how much she loves her skilled fingers, she loves touching her and making her beg, Regina is so much different in bed from when they are in another situation, she is still loud, of course, but there’s something there that makes Brianna’s heart fluttering because no one else can see her like this, just her.

She even had the courage to say one night “I bet no one ever fucked you like this” while she had her fingers deep down inside her. Regina moaned and nodded, it made her smile for the next couple of days, thinking that in this she is already mastering. She hopes to learn other skills for the future, after all she really knows how to do new things with her finger, she does it everyday - and she’s not talking only about sex!

But it wasn’t all about sex, of course. They also enjoyed other moments, like watching tv, chatting about trivial things, playing scrabble with Freddie, and looking at the homework Brianna’s students just made. 

That’s the other thing, she got a job as a math teacher in an elementary school in the neighborhood where they live. It’s not an easy job, but as she doesn’t have classes anymore and she needs money, it’s only monday to friday, mornings and afternoons, so she can still practice and play the few gigs they have. Sometimes it’s funny, some kids are very lovely and she makes sure to leave them a note in every homework she returns to them.

On a very cold Saturday morning they had no bassist again. It was a rush day, they had to practice and leave the place in two hours as the University had an event that day, but instead of doing what they were supposed to do Brianna, Regina and Freddie were watching Mary trying to convince Barbara to stay in the band.

It was no use, and Regina already knew it beforehand, it seems like she knows what is going to happen with their bassists, and Brianna realized it too, that the heavy music they also make don’t appeal to Barbara. And there’s nothing they can do to change it.

So instead of practicing, they all returned home and drank their cheap wine. Mary was there too. Poor girl, she just wanted to help Freddie.

  
  


_ February 2011 _

Brianna only went to the party because Regina really wanted to go. It was a party a group of Imperial College students organized and Brianna, as a student, was invited and Regina said they couldn’t miss this opportunity as this is the first party they are going to together, as a couple.

When they arrived there, they weren’t holding hands as they said they wouldn’t, but they couldn’t keep the hands to themselves, so when they were sitting on a table they were touching hands under the table, and when Regina made them go to the dancefloor, they were also touching, arms, legs, hips… 

It was starting to get hot, despite still being winter, and Brianna is not sure if it is because of the people around them or because Regina is too close. She gets bold and whispers in the blonde’s ears for them to go to the bathroom. Regina smirks and guides them there.

They start kissing near the sinks, Brianna puts Regina on the counter and they deepen the kiss, the brunette is almost taking them to the booth, but someone opens the door and they quickly separate.

It was a young girl, at first Brianna thought she wasn’t really allowed to be in a party that has alcohol, but if she’s there she’s probably a student or a plus one. She has long brown hair, green eyes and a cute smile, she really looks like a child. She’s looking very shy at the two of them. They don’t know, but they have their lips swollen and hair all messed up.

“Hm, sorry…” she says, and Brianna smiles at her.

“That’s ok, it’s a public toilet,” she tries to be polite, after all they were just caught up when they were really trying not to be, although the other girl might disagree.

“You are Brianna May, right?” She was surprised to learn that the girl knows her name, and at the same time she feels Regina tense by her side, she can almost read her thoughts, and she’s thinking ‘how does this girl know my girlfriend name if we don’t know her?’

“Yes, that’s me,”

“Great! Hm, a friend of mine said that your band is looking for a female bassist?” Brianna looks at Regina, who nods, now free of the ‘threat’.

“Yes, we’ve been kind of unlucky this past months,”

“That’s great, because you just found one! Actually, it’s been a while since I last played, classes and all, but I’ve been in other bands before, so I can definitely play,” Brianna finds it cute that she’s trying to defend herself when that’s them that needs her to be a proper band.

“Of course, we believe in you… how’s your name, by the way?”

“Oh right, sorry, I wasn’t expecting to find you here, so it caught me by surprise… it’s Joan, Joan Deacon,” she holds out her hand and Brianna shakes it, she thinks quite funny the formal way because they are in the middle of a bathroom in a party.

“Nice to meet you Joan, that’s Regina Taylor, our drummer,” Regina shakes her hand too and laughs. 

“You are so cute, Joan, Freddie will love you, she’s the lead singer, by the way,” Brianna raises her eyebrows, that escalated quickly, but she’s right, Freddie will love her.

“So can you give me your number? I call you to set up an audition,” 

They exchange numbers and Joan turns around to leave the bathroom, but before she said. “You two don’t need to hide in a bathroom, I saw you coming in and it’s clear just by the way you look at each other that you are together,”

And then she leaves. The two other girls look at each other and resume the kissing. 


	21. Chapter 20

_ May 2011 _

Needless to say that the first months with Joan were the best since Smile broke up. Joan is very quiet, but at the same time she has strong opinions when asked to, and so she sets up very well in the band’s dynamic. She is indeed very young, she’s only 19, but she has a girlfriend and they already live together, they seem stable and Veronica is a very nice girl too, although she doesn’t care that much about the days her girlfriend spends with the other girls in the band, and Brianna finds it cute, because if she and Regina were in different bands, her girlfriend would make sure she would’ve had written in her forehead ‘I’m taken’. But Regina says she’s not jealous.

And as they predicted, Freddie loved Joan and they are already best friends. Freddie said she would protect their new bassist while Joan rolled her eyes. There’s nothing they can do about it. But everything happens for a reason and now they have their full band, with the four of them sharing a good relationship, they already consider Joan as a friend and she also considers them as friends. They still don’t have any gig schedule, but their rehearsals are all very productive and Joan got the songs very quickly. 

They were trying to return to the world of the living, but Brianna had something to do before they could properly perform as a band. And it didn’t turn out exactly the way she was expecting.

She was waiting for Regina to come home after the classes and the work at the stall, she had already given her classes of the day and finished another page of her thesis. It was a productive day and she was happy about her news.

“What are you smiling about?” Regina asked when she entered their room, they shared a kiss and the blonde changed her clothes.

“I have something to tell you,” she says, still excited, but apparently something in the way she said it made Regina sit down in the bed and look very strangely at her.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Regina asks, and of course Brianna had to laugh. She’s happy and she loves, how the hell would she think about breaking up?

“Of course not, you silly, I would never break up with you, I love you, remember?” She says sitting up in the bed beside her.

“So why did you say that?”

“Because I have something to tell you, look, a professor said an University in Tenerife has a program for the summer and they have a vacancy for an Imperial student, so they selected me!” 

“Tenerife as in Spain?”

“Yes! It’s next month, we can work in their observatory, it’s much better than here in London!” She says excitedly, she never had an opportunity like this, it’s the most important opportunity she’s given, considering that she’s the only woman in the program.

“Oh, and you’ll go? To Spain?”

“It’s just one month, Reg, just June,” she tries to explain because Regina doesn’t seem very keen on it, she’s looking down at her feet and she thinks she’s about to cry.

“Just one month? You’ll leave for a whole month, Bri! How will we be? The band? We’re just starting! We can’t stop right now!” She’s raising her voice and Brianna sighs, she probably had a bad day and she should’ve asked her first. She doesn’t want to fight, but it’s looking impossible.

“We won’t stop, Reg, you can still practice. It’s not that long, and it’s summer, you all can enjoy it without having to work hard,” she tries to keep her voice calm.

“Enjoy? Ok, Freddie can enjoy with Mary, Joan with Veronica, and I? Hm? How can I enjoy a summer when my girlfriend is elsewhere studying?” Then she starts crying, and Brianna deep down thinks it’s funny, she’s so tough and angry and throws things around and people are scared of her, but she’s also soft, sensible and dramatic, just the perfect combination to drive her crazy and make Brianna love her at the same time.

She touches Regina to comfort her, but the drummer stands up abruptly. “Don’t touch me, Brianna,” and she leaves the room.

Brianna sighs and decides to follow her, she can’t leave her like this, she needs to calm down so they can talk about it better.

She finds Freddie and Joan in the kitchen, she had no idea they were there, and Regina was grabbing something in the fridge and the door was open for an eternity.

“Why is she looking like an angry chihuahua?” Freddie asks, not amused at all.

“I have no idea,” Brianna sighs, pushing a chair to sit down.

“Oh no, you do, tell them, Brianna,” Regina finally moves, closing the fridge door with a strength that is not available to fridge doors and taking the chair Brianna was going to sit on. And then she goes back to the bedroom.

“First fight?” Joan asks and the guitarist nods.

“I guess… I’ll go to Tenerife next month, I got the opportunity to study in the observatory for a month,” she explains.

“Wow, that’s great. Right?” Joan says looking at Freddie.

“It is, congratulations, Bri… But why is Regina angry?”

“Because we won’t be able to rehearse and play gigs for a month and she doesn’t want to be alone,”

“That’s really her…” Freddie points out.

“Well, actually I have a trip planned with Ronnie for two weeks, I was going to tell you…” Joan shares, and Brianna knew she was right.

“And Regina won’t be alone, I’ll be here to make her company, I’m her favourite, you know… but seriously, Bri, go talk to her, she will understand,”

“I really hope so, I can’t really choose between the two, can’t I have both?” Brianna complains.

“Of course you can, she supports and loves you, she just needs to calm down and understand,”

“Thanks, Freddie,”

She goes back to the bedroom to a closed door. It was not going to be easy. “Reg? Open the door, please,” she tries the civilian way.

“No, go away,” she yells, and by her voice she’s crying. Brianna sighs.

“Look, Tenerife has beautiful beaches, it’s an Island, you know… I can buy you a ticket and you can meet me there, we can enjoy the summer for a couple of days in a nice hotel...”

It worked partially because Regina opened the door. “But you don’t have any money,” 

“You are right, but I can have some savings to spoil my girlfriend,” she doesn’t, but Regina doesn’t have to know it today.

The drummer still thinks for a minute, but then she throws herself in Brianna’s arms. “I’m sorry Bri… I-I’m so proud of you… You are so perfect, why would you be with me?”

“Hey, what’s all of this about?”

“I’m just a dumb blonde…”

“No you are not. You are smart, talented and you know what you want for your life,”

“I’m sorry for snapping at you, I love you, Bri,” she can see that the drummer is really sorry, but she knows how it is to feel down, so she doesn’t judge her.

“It’s ok, babe, I love you too,” she guides them to bed and sits down, still holding her. They end the day cuddling, Regina told her what happened in the classes and Brianna make sure to keep saying how amazing she is and that she doesn’t need the approval of some stupid professors, she gets the grades and they can’t do nothing about it.

The money to buy the ticket? Well… Brianna has her ways...


	22. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, but hopefully it's worth it <3

_ July 2011 _

Brianna returned home with a lot of new things. 

One of them was a very tanned Regina. She got the money for the hotel and the tickets from her parents, she called them and said that she was selected to go to Tenerife to study and she needed some money. Her father was very proud and even sent her more money than she asked for. In the beginning she felt bad for not telling the truth to them, but she remembered that they don’t support her in anything but her studies, they would hate that she’s dating another woman, so it doesn’t matter, she’s disappointing them either way.

And you can’t tell that Regina was all dramatic when she left. She literally cried in the airport, as if Brianna was never going to return and not to spend only one month away. It was very difficult to let her go. But when she landed in Tenerife and met Brianna there, it was like she was the happiest woman on Earth, and that she hadn’t seen her girlfriend in, like, ten years.

But the couple of days they were in the hotel were perfect. Brianna could enjoy a proper fluffy bed, she spent 30 days in a cabin, and their bed back at home is good, but not that good. The weather was perfect and they enjoyed it in the beach all day, she was treating Regina like a queen, the way she deserves, but too bad that Regina got the tanned skin and Brianna only got red, but she guesses this is the price she needs to pay for dating someone as perfect as Regina.

She also got a lot of material for articles, the sky in the island is perfect and she could see and learn things she wouldn’t do in England. So she was very glad that she had this opportunity because even if her career in music goes well she will have had the nicest experience as an astrophysicist. 

The other thing she got was songs. Or, at least, some riffs, phrases and titles of songs. When they returned to the rehearsal the other girls kept teasing her and asking her to show all of her inspiration. She denied every single request but one, that wasn’t really a request, but something she thought while writing. So she sat with Freddie to discuss the song. It was not something she wanted to use in a probable first album, but she wants to get it ready as soon as possible. Regina complained that she only wants to work with Freddie, but got the answer of ‘it is was it is’, and got angry the rest of the day, saying that when they’ll need the drums she won’t help them. Well, Brianna thinks she will have already forgotten about it when they record this song.

But the real news was that they finally got a gig with the new formation and the definitive one, because they are not letting Joan go that easily. It was refreshing to come back and already have something to do, despite the feeling of ‘I will do this forever if I keep playing pub gigs’ she really missed those gigs, almost half a year without using her Red Special for the  _ real _ things, for entertaining people, and despite loving her research and everything, being on stage to play her guitar is really what she loves to do. Looking behind her and watching  _ her girlfriend _ enjoying the show as much as she is enjoying is really the best thing in her life. She loves Regina’s face when she’s concentrating on hitting the drums, the way she moves her lips and the way she smiles.

And this time she could learn how Joan is on stage. She’s the shy one, she talks only the necessary and doesn’t get involved in their fights over tempo and lyrics. But she turned out to be very classy while playing for the public, she mastered the solo for Liar and played it beautifully, Brianna could see the smile in Ronnie’s eyes from the audience, and she’s happy that other people feel the same as she does with Regina.

The only setback was after the first song, Freddie tried to take the microphone off the base, but it was stuck - it was not like they were playing in a fancy place, it was very shitty, but it was what they had at the time. She struggled with it for a minute, while still singing, of course, as they had no idea what to do, the others kept playing. Eventually she managed to take it off, with half of the base still stuck with the microphone. But you can’t expect less from her, she always has something new to do. It is like she keeps reinventing herself, each time she sings differently, but still the same, you can tell that she has infinite ways to do the same thing, so she will always surprise you, in the good way! And Brianna couldn’t be more proud, they definitely have the best vocalist in the world.

After the gig they got drunk together, celebrating, but this time not in the same pub they played. They thanked the people who were there, the owner for inviting them - and he said they can play there whenever they want - and then they went home. It’s too much better to drink cheap wine and beer in their flat, sitting on the floor, with the windows open and all of them wearing nightdresses. They are free, they owe nothing to anyone and even Brianna drank with them. She was feeling good, light, she had Regina on her lap and her best friends beside her.

“Here to the first of many! We will take over the world one day!” Freddie proposes a toast. It’s with normal glasses, but one day they will be drinking champagne in a plane in fine glasses. Does she need to be the racional one? Of course. But today she wants to dream.


End file.
